Forgotten Power - A KotLC and HoO crossover

Chapter 25: Being Broken - Sophie

A/n: so this takes place during the three weeks Sophie's gone. Imagine this kind of thing happening to you for three weeks straight. I'm gonna be honest, but the whole reason I write in 1st person is so you can put yourself in the main character's shoes. 

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER DOES CONTAIN SUICIDE REFERENCES AND LOTS OF DEPRESSING FACTORS!!! IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT STUFF, DON'T READ THIS CHAPTER! IT'S NOT EXACTLY "IMPORTANT" !!!

PoV: Sophie

I groaned as rolled over. I had no idea what time it was, and by now I had stopped caring. It was hard to believe anyone would come looking for me in this situation.

The open door to my cell taunted me, but I had learned how bad it was to leave the hard way. No one even did anything, but as soon as I tried to leave my memories of being kidnapped with Dex would come to life before me, or when the shadowflux had started seeping into my head after Alvar's tribunal. Every time I even looked out the door,  a new, horrible memory would arise.

The echo monster had come back long before. I couldn't sleep in fear of being taken and drowned in my own head, but, no matter how h I tried, I always tell asleep.

When I stood up, my head pounding, I took one step before tripping over something. I wanted to scream, but I knew it would please them, and I wanted to resist them as much as possible.

Slowly, I looked back at what I had tripped over. I started sobbing as I realized it was a body. A dead body. The dead body of Edaline.

I refused to believe that they were bringing in any of my real friends when they'd dropped Fitz, Biana, Tam, and Linh in my cell, but it was different when they brought in Edaline. With Edaline, it suddenly seemed more true. More real. It was the exact same with Grady. And Alden. And Della. And Dex. And the Collective. Wylie. Marella. It all seemed so... different. Different in a way I couldn't describe even if I tried. I couldn't stand looking into their empty, lifeless eyes, but they were everywhere. Once I even woke up with Fitz's soulless teal eyes staring at me.

Every day they brought in someone new. Bronte, Maruca, even Stina. Sandor, Flori, Ro, Bo, Lovise, and every other bodyguard were dumped before me before the messenger left.

It killed me. Every time I looked at one of them, I felt tears well in my eyes. I couldn't stand doing nothing, so I would bring each new body into a pile I started in the corner. I would morn them and move on. The more I thought about the dead bodies in the corner, the more guilt I felt over their deaths. The only thing, the only hope I was clinging to, was the fact that Keefe, who'd already suffered so much, hadn't been hurt yet. I knew he would probably be feeling lonely since his bodyguard, his friends, and Alden and Della, who were like a better version of his parents to him, were dead, but the fact that they hadn't found Keefe - or Mr Forkle, I might add - have me hope this was all a trick.

Right?

All a trick.

That 's what it was. Until the morning where I groaned as I rolled over. The morning when I tripped over Edaline's unmoving body. Because, as I sat there, sobbing as I carried her body back over to the pile, the messenger came in. He never spoke, just came, dropped a body, and left. 

The messenger threw in a body wrapped in a dark cloak. They did that every time, so I would have the shock and terror of discovering who it was myself. Ignoring it meant more awful memories, so I looked. This time, however, they didn't wrap the body as carefully. Usually, I considered this good, as it gave me time to prepare to see my friend's lifeless body. 

This time, though, the little hint brought all my hope crashing down like a child destroying a block tower. I yanked the hood off the body without thinking and more tears started cascading down my face as I stated into the ice blue eyes of Keefe Sencen.

"No..." I cried quietly, " Not you, Keefe! Why you? "

"You know what the strangest part about this one is?" The messenger asked, surprising me as I looked up to meet his eyes, " We didn't do this. We found him at the bottom of a cliff. Only one set of footprints. "

I didn't have to process his words for very long in order to understand what he was saying. I jerked my eyes back to Keefe and let my tears fall as I imagined him doing that. I felt awful when it wasn't hard.

I doubled over in tears as the messenger left me alone. I couldn't think. My mind was clouded in grief and loss. Keefe had been my only hope. The only thing keeping me from insanity. From shattering. And he was gone.

Somehow I ended up on my bed with Keefe still in my arms. The echo monster, who had seemed to be waiting for this moment, pounced, and I didn't resist. I let the darkness and pain come. There was nothing left for me.

I never slept. I never ate. I don't remember seeing the messenger every day, and even if he was delivering more people to me, I was to numb too care. I never stopped looking at that spot on the wall, never stopped crying, never let go of Keefe.

I didn't know how long I would be there, and I didn't care. For all I knew or cared, the Lost Cities were gone. Everyone I cared about was gone. There was nothing left for me. Even if they let me go, I don't think I would've. I wanted to sit and rot here forever.

As I sat there, facing the wall as my fingers absent mindedly ran through Keefe's blonde hair, a new man walked up to me. I recognized him, but I was too far gone to care. "Sophie," the man said in a tone that sounded like fake sympathy , but once again, I didn't care, "What if I told you your friends were here, looking for you? What if I told you they're not dead? "

I didn't move an inch as I replied, "Well, you'd have to be lying about something. There's evidence here that they're all dead. Just stop tormenting me by giving me hope I never should have had. "

The man smiled and walked away, "That's all I needed to know. Good choice, Sophie. I would hate to see you snap again. "

I didn't respond as he left. It didn't matter. I didn't care anymore. I knew I was going to shatter soon, whether by guilt or force I didn't bother with, and I was honestly looking forward to it. I'd been inside so many shattered minds before. While the outside the fragmented memories might hurt, I also gotten lost inside so many broken minds that I knew how cozy it could be.

Nothing mattered. It was all going to end the same anyway.

I took my eyes off the wall for a second and looked at Keefe's body, sitting in my lap. His ice blue eyes brought back so many more sad memories that I didn't care about anymore. I looked at the pile of bodies. Edaline still laid atop everyone else, right next to Grady. It has only seemed fitting at the time. Now? I didn't care.

I looked at the ever-growing stack of bodies in black cloaks on the floor. I forced myself to get up and pay respects to at least a few of them, before I totally broke. It hurt me to uncover Elwin and Amy's faces, so I gave up and went back to my spot on the bed.

I didn't care. There was no one left. So why should I?

oh. my. gosh! I'm gonna be honest, I both loved and hated writing that chapter!  I was originally going to end it with Sophie uncovering Keefe's body, but then I realized I could make it sadder, so that's what I did! I actually started crying as I wrote this, mostly because it hits me hard, but I also enjoyed venting! So, sorry for the tears, this story will get happier! I promise!