Drowned in You

7

Heaven

I sat in front of River with my head bowed and hands on my lap. I nervously twiddled with my fingers as I waited for River's response. For some reason, I was anticipating a positive reply more than I would love to admit.

"What do you want?"

I snapped my eyes towards him as soon as he spoke. As always, his face was blank and I didn't know what to think of it.

"I said it. I want you to be my friend."

"Why?"

I racked my brain for some plausible reason. In all honesty, I wanted to be his friend to get close to him. To gain his confidence. To show him it's okay to open up, and that there's someone who's willing to listen. In a way, I was totally breaching the professional standards I had always believed in. But just in one meeting I had realised that River was not just someone. And I had promised I was not going to give up on him.

A sigh escaped from River's mouth as he leaned forward with his arms on the counter. "If I remember I had set some rules yesterday. And I had made it clear that there's not going to be any kind of relationship other than strict professional one. And here you're, asking me to be your friend."

I cleared my throat. "And if I remember River, you had told me not to come back again as your therapist. You didn't want me to be your therapist. So here I am, as your friend. Only if you want to be, that is." I spoke the last sentence in a whisper.

He stared at me wordlessly for a couple of seconds, probably trying to find out why I wanted to be his friend.

"How much?"

I frowned at him in confusion. "What?"

"How much money do you want? It's about money, right? Since you lost a client you lost a lot of money. And now you're trying to weasel your way into my life as a friend and blackmail me into giving you money. See, I don't have time for this. Just tell me how much do you want and we'll settle it here. Just get out of here for once and for all."

His words felt like a physical slap on my face and I staggered a bit on my chair. I stared at him dumbfounded.

He thought of me as a gold digger?

His usual blank stare suddenly changed into a frown as my eyes flashed dangerously.

"You think I want to be your friend for your money?" I asked in a whisper.

His frown deepened. "What else are you here for then, huh? You were here for money. Let's get this straight: you're a therapist and I'm your client. Since I practically fired you, you lost money in the form of a client. So here you're trying to make up that money in the form of a friendship. It's okay I understand, everyone needs money, some more than others. So tell me how much and I'll give you."

I squeezed my eyes shut and took deep breathes. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to scream at him. His accusation was downright humiliating and I wish I could say a few choice words to him.

But the other part of me, the sensible part knew that this was coming. River was not going to believe me so easily. And his accusation shows how distrustful he is of everyone around him. I think back to when I casually tried to hold his arm and bring him to the counter. It was an almost unconscious action on my part. But his reaction to it was like a physical attack on him. His eyes were not only horrified at my actions, but were also confused and pained.

His anger, his mistrust, his pain; all of his emotions run so deep within him that he has even become wary of physical touch. So in a way, I can't really blame him for not wanting to be my friend.