Hello, Goodbye - Modern Family [PAUZED]

S1 Ep1 : Pilot

''Kids breakfast!'' My mother yelled. ''Why are you yelling I'm already here,'' I commented as I grabbed some milk. ''Oh my god, you scared me. When did you get here?'' My mom asked. ''I've been here a very long time. I'm a ninja,'' I said. ''Go get your brother,'' She said and I walked upstairs. 

''Mom, Luke got his head stuck,'' I yelled as I sat next to him on the stairs. ''I'm having a friend over today,'' Haley said. ''Who?'' My mom asked, but I knew. Dylan, he was a senior. I don't really know why, but Haley tells me these things. ''You don't know him,'' Haley answered our mother's question. ''Him?Him?'' Mom said more than she asked. ''Ooh, a boy. You gonna kiss him?'' Luke said and we both laughed and started making kissing noises. That's when everyone got involved and another fight was created.

''Luke, Hanna, Alex, why don't you take it outside, okay?'' Mom said. ''And do what?'' Alex asked. ''Fight in the sun. It'll be a nice change,'' Dad joked. 

Luke and I were outside playing with our gun when he shot Alex. So when he dropped it, I grabbed. That wasn't smart because I also shot Alex. She stormed inside as we followed her. 

''Mom! Dad! Luke and Hannah just shot me!'' She yelled. ''We didn't mean too,'' I said, with the gun still in my hand. ''Are you okay?'' Mom asked as she looked at Alex's arm. ''No. The little bitches shot me,'' Alex complained. Then dad walked in and he chuckled. ''Language!'' Mom commented. ''They're only plastic BBs. It was an accident,'' Luke explained. ''What did I tell you would happen if you got them a gun? Deal with this,'' Mom said to dad. ''Twins, uncool,'' Our dad said. Luke and I smiled at each other, very happy to have gotten away. But we shouldn't have celebrated. ''That's it? That's- No, no, no. The agreement was that if they shoot someone, you shoot them,'' Mom said and then mumbled something. I looked at Luke and we knew what we were going to do. We both started fake crying and apologizing. Good plan, didn't work though. ''Liar,'' Mom said and we both immediately stopped our act. 

''Go.'' ''Luke has a birthday party and Hannah has gymnastics training,'' Dad commented. ''What's more important here, dad?'' Alex joined in on the conversation again. ''You can shoot them afterwards. They'll be home at 2:00,'' Mom suggested. ''I can't shoot him at 2:00. I'm showing a house at 2:00,'' Dad said. ''What about 3:00?'' Alex asked. ''No. Luke's got a soccer game and Hannah is going to play with her friend Olivia at 3:00. And then- Oh, we gotta leave for that dinner thing at 5:00. 4:15. You can shoot them at 4:15.'' Mom said as she put it on the calendar. Luke and I groaned. ''Sorry, twins. It's on the calendar,'' Dad said as he messed up our hair. 

''Are you ready?'' I asked Luke. ''Yes,'' He said as he put another hat on my head. ''Let's go,'' I said and we walked outside. 

''Twins. What are you wearing?'' Dad asked as he stepped outside. ''These are called clothes, Google it,'' I said and smiled. ''No jackets. One hat each. How many pairs of underwear are you guys wearing?'' He then asked. ''One,'' Luke replied and dad sighed. ''Six,'' I answered. And Luke and I removed our jackets and hats. ''I want you to know, I'm not enjoying this. But this is an important lesson that you're learning. So, soak it. Keep it,'' Dad said as he got ready to shoot us. ''It's too close. It's gonna hurt,'' Luke said and I nodded. ''It's supposed to hurt,'' He said. ''And why are you smiling?'' Luke added. ''I'm- What?'' Dad said but I cut him off. ''It could be a sing of psychopaths. Psychopaths like hurting people, they need to win and have a constant urge to have thrill in their lives,'' I said. ''W-What? I'm not a psychopath, guys,'' Dad said. ''And I'm definitely not enjoying this,'' He said and he got ready to shoot us again. ''Oh, forget it. I can't do this. The point is you're scared. I think you've learned your lesson,'' He said and I sighed in relief. But then I heard the gun fire. The first time it shot Luke, and the second time me. ''Ow!'' Luke and I both whimpered. ''You hit our bones!'' Luke said. ''It was an accident!'' Dad said as he walked up to us. ''I thought you were our friend,'' I said. ''I am  your friend,'' He said to us.

''Dad! Dad, dad. You have got to talk to mom. She is like completely freaking out and embarrassing me!'' Hayley yelled as she came outside. ''Honey, your mom isn't always as cool about things as-'' Dad started but this time he got cut off by the gun. It shot Dylan right in the neck. ''What is with this thing?'' Dad yelled as he dropped the gun to the floor. Which caused it to shoot dad in the foot. ''Ow!'' Dad yelled. 

''Okay, kids! Get in the car, we're leaving,'' Mom said as she rushed us all in the car. She handed me the cake she made to hold since she was driving. Luke and I started lifting the glass cover when mom yelled at us to stop. ''You can have a piece there.''

Ding Dong. ''Hey,'' We all said when uncle Mitchell opened the door. 

''I have something that I need to tell you guys. Um- Uh, we didn't just go to Vietnam for pleasure. We, uh, kind of have some big news,'' Uncle Mitchell started. ''Oh, God. If cam comes out here with boobs, I'm leaving,'' Grandpa said. ''Dad.'' ''I hope he didn't embarrass you, mom,'' Haley stated. Then I got distracted by Luke pulling my hair. ''Luke. You know I can do that too, right?'' I said and pulled his curls. ''Luke! Hannah!'' Gloria said and we stopped. 

''That's not what dad is saying. That's what you're saying. And it's insulting in a whole different way,'' Uncle Mitch said. ''Okay, people. Let's all chillax,'' Dad said and I cringed. ''Hey, where's uncle Cameron?'' I remarked. ''Yeah, I've been thinking the same,'' Alex said. ''Thank you, thank you. People who are not insulting me notice he's not here,'' Uncle Mitch said. ''Oh, so that's the big announcement, huh? You two broke up. Well- Well, a baby wasn't gonna help that anyway. And you know let me tell you. You're better off because he was a bit of a drama queen,'' Grandpa said. ''No, no, no. Stop. Stop. No. You come into my house and you insult me and my boyfriend,  who, by the way, is not that dramatic-'' Uncle Mitch defended but then the lighted went out and the song from the Lion King started playing. 

Uncle Cam came into the room holding a baby in pink and he was wearing some sort of orange robe. ''We adopted a baby,'' Uncle Mitchell said and we all got very excited. ''Her name is Lilly,'' He said and I smiled. ''Beautiful name, it means pure, passion or rebirth,'' I said. ''Thanks?'' Uncle Mitch said, questioning my intentions. 

''Lily, isn't that gonna be hard for her to say?'' Dad asked and I looked at him. Then grandpa gave a whole speech. 

Later, Manny gave Haley and me a plant. That was weird, but it was a nice plant so I wasn't going to complain.