Shout-Out to my Ex [✓]

Eleven

Tilewa curled upon the soft cotton sheets with barely a sound save for her constant sniffling, her pillowcase was drenched in sweat, tears and mucus but she could not tell, she could not feel the dampness beneath her cheeks as she replayed the events of the night in her head over and again.

After she walked out on Jerry, Eno and Uzo had followed her and Ekene as she had another meltdown. Uzo had offered to take her home but she had chosen to go with Ekene instead. In her flurry of emotions, she had not failed to register Uzo's look of betrayal that she would rather go with some man she had just met over her best friend of a decade, but Tilewa could not care less. While Uzo would have tried and probably succeeded in making her laugh her ass out and forget her worries during the ride home, Ekene was a better choice as he had offered her nothing but silence, the one time he spoke he said "You want to go to a bar and get wasted?" and she shook her head no with a curt "I dislike alcohol" and that was it.

She was not in the mood to be happy, she did not want to have her spirits lifted, she did not want to be consoled, so when Ekene had offered to come in and keep her company for a while she had denied him. She wanted to be alone with her thoughts, she wanted to cry her eyes out and feel all the negative emotions, because she knew that by this time tomorrow, Jeremiah Ubong would be ancient history to her.

She wanted to call and, as sad and pathetic as it was, she could not deny the feeling, she wanted to call Jerry and talk to him and hear his voice because that was only going to make her cry harder and she wanted to cry because now she realised with all clarity, it was truly over between them. After three years of everything, this night was the last time she had felt something for Jeremiah, as she realised that she had only been holding on to an illusion for the past couple of weeks, she was broken, her scars were fresh and her wounds were raw, but she was also ready to move on. Come tomorrow, she would be a brand new woman; she was going to shove all these negatives behind a huge steel door and she was going to finally allow herself to move on. Just like that.

She had learnt that about herself from a young age with her father's death. The months after he died she had held on to every single detail, every memory. It was like gripping the sharp side of a knife very tightly, every time cutting herself and bleeding out, she did it over and over and over again, holding on to the pain and making it consume her. Then one morning, a year and a half after the accident, it fully dawned on her, her dad was gone, he was no longer in pain, but she tortured herself every single day. On that very day, she made peace with her father's death and cried like she never had before, then that was it. Just like that, the depression had faded and she was finally able to move on with her life.

The next morning, the sound of her alarm startled her awake by 6 am, she shifted on her pillow, hoping to catch a few more zzzs, but the squishy wet feeling under her cheek soon became too much to bear, she sat up, turned on the light and looked at her pillow. It was still damp from the previous night and it felt disgusting, she immediately removed the pillowcase and tossed it in the direction of her dirty clothes hamper, she shook her head as the fog in her brain began to clear and the reality that was her life hit her. But on this day, for the first time in a while, she forced the tingles out of her stomach, she was finally able to exile the huge boulder that usually sat in her chest, she had clarity and did not feel the need to cry her eyes out any more. She picked up her phone and began to play some worship songs by Shola Allyson while she went into the bathroom for a shower. The woman's voice was always soothing.

The service that day was great. The Pastor's sermon was about how God's time is always the best. Drawing his theme text from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, he spoke about how it was important to learn how to discern times and seasons and do things in life at the right time. He also talked about how the right time in God's eyes differs from the right time in the eyes of man. A person may believe he is ready for something at a particular time, but God may delay because the time isn't right for such a person. He ended his message by stressing the importance of endurance, patience and longsuffering in the lives of believers, as many people sell themselves short when they feel like God is late and end up missing out on wonderful things just because they were not patient for God's right time. Before the service ended, an usher gave Tilewa a note from the Pastor which read "Hello sister Tilewa, I would like to see you immediately after service".

Tilewa marched up the stairs of the one-storey building to where the church offices were and made herself comfortable in the reception as she waited for the Pastor. After a few minutes, he peeped from his office door and sighted her.

"Ah, sister Tilewa come in, come in"

Tilewa entered the cream coloured office which was properly furnished with a brown polished mahogany table, a black chair behind it for the pastor and two olive green coloured chairs in front, for the comfort visitors. A brown couch lay against the wall in front of the table with the Pastor's wife, a chubby woman of approximately 50 years seated on it. To the right, there was a huge bookshelf which contained large leather-bound bibles, church records and whatnot. A mini-fridge stood towards the left of the office, with a tray on glass cups on top of it. Behind the pastor's table was the window which was the only source of ventilation and natural lighting, although it was not needed as the AC and a fluorescent bulb was on.

Tilewa took a seat on one of the olive green chairs.

"Sister Tilewa, how are you?" Pastor Yusuf asked with a smile, he was a nice elderly man, not taller than 5'8 with coffee brown skin and grey hairs, his brown eyes always shone with warmth and compassion.

"Fine thank you sir" she responded cordially.

After two more rounds of small talk, the Pastor started casually "How did you enjoy the message of today?"

After she replied he continued "You know, the Holy Spirit ministered to me especially to pray for you after I prepared this message"

Tilewa was dumbstruck at that and so the man kept on "You see, I understand that you must be feeling out of sorts, due to the recent turn of events"

Tilewa smiled at his euphemism
"But God wants you to understand that he makes all things beautiful in his time. I know that you are a God-fearing young lady, so listen, don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything that you are not interested in. Now that you are no longer engaged, suitors will surely come in their numbers. But, I want you to discern the voice of God before committing to anything this time. Do you understand?"

Tilewa nodded, she had been so desperate when Jerry came along, she had ignored all red flags and also conveniently forgot to carry the Spirit of God along as she made her plans and when it came crumbling down like a pack of cards, God was telling her to involve him in her plans next time.

"Great, let us pray"
Pastor Yusuf said as he bowed his head in prayer.