Beautifully Flawed

"well, i said no!"

"I have something i need to tell you" i say, capturing their attention even more. Everyone except Shawn exchanges a some what confused look.

Heaving a deep breath in an attempt to calm my nerves, i take a seat on the love seat sofa.

Where the hell do i even start!?
I have never really had to do this before, and truth be told i never planned to; i was just supposed to bury that part of my life in the past as time goes by, never to dig it up again. I let out a humorless chuckle, who would have thought that i would be here now willingly opening up old wounds that have barely even healed.

"Rhea, are you okay"  Mira asks, concern lacing her voice.

"Just give her a second " Shawn replies her his eyes still trained on me.

"You know what's going on here?" Jake asks Shawn ,utterly confused.

"No, but i think it's only logical that you give her a second to gather her thoughts"  he says softly.

Deciding to just let it all out, i begin talk.

"I have sleep anxiety caused by post traumatic stress disorder. It's simply called nightmare disorder or dream anxiety disorder."
I blurt out startling everyone except Shawn; but that was expected because his mom went through something similar so he probably already knew that from the moment he witnessed my episode.

"Post traumatic stress disorder? W-what happened?......if you don't mind me asking"  Jeff asked, a confused frown settling on his face.

"Yeah um...... that's a very long story"

"I'd say we have enough time" Jake says curiosity seeping out of his voice.

Letting out a heavy sigh. I place my head in my hands, pressing my palms against my forehead in an attempt to reduce the pressure that seems to be building up in my head.

I suddenly feel cold and i know that i have to take things slow or I'm going to have an episode.

" My biological mother suffered from intermittent explosive disorder. She always wanted a son, unfortunately for her she had a girl.....she had me. Right from the moment i was born she hated me. She was really sick, and even that is an understatement; there were moments where she would show me the slightest bit of affection, almost like she actually acknowledged that she was my mother; but it only ever lasted a split second. My dad used to work for a secret government agency, so he was hardly ever around. It was always just me and my mother...." i trailed off as i felt the memories flooding my memory.

I started to feel the familiar tightening in my chest; but i was snapped out of my daze by the sound of Shawn's voice. I looked up to see him crouched down in front of me.

"D-did she ever......abuse you?" He asked softly and cautiously. I let out a dry chuckle.

"I wish i could call what she did to me abuse. She took my will to live, she killed my fight , broke me.......she'd beat me and insult me. She would hit me with anything and i mean absolutely anything she could lay her hands on!"

"One day, she came back home from work....apparently she had lost it and yelled at her boss, so she got fired. She got back and met me cooking dinner in the kitchen and i guess i was just the closest target. She let out all that pent up frustration on me. Stupidly i tried to defend myself......and s-she"  i felt like i was actually reliving that day; the same panic i felt that day covered me  and weighed me down like a wet blanket. I clenched my fists hard to try to pull myself together.

" She grabbed the knife and tried to stab me. I struggled with her ,trying to defend myself without hurting her. Believe it or not, despite all she put me through i loved her......I LOVED HER! with every fibre of my being! During the struggle my dad walked into the house. He almost had a heart attack, he pulled her off me and locked her in a room. She begged and begged, she told him she had a bad day and that she lost it for a second. She promised it would never happen again ,so he let her out.
A week later, he travelled on another mission. Being the bitch she was, she seized the opportunity . I walked into the house and a few minutes later i was stumbling to the ground with drops of blood trickling out of my head. I let out a cry for help on instinct, but that didn't stop, she kept hitting me over the head with some sort of object....i think it was a metal pipe. I tried pleading with her in my half unconscious state ,but all my pleas fell on deaf ears. As her harsh words and insults stabbed me in the heart ,the steel pipe in her hands worked to inflict more pain and cause more damage with each blow. I passed out a moment later,only to wake up two weeks later. Apparently my neighbour heard my screams and immediately called the police. My mum-Susan, was arrested and taken to a mental facility, years later she was released and i never saw her again. I suffered a severe injury to the head, i was in the hospital for about two more weeks under observation. "