𝓤𝓷𝓫𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮 𝓟𝓪𝓲𝓷 || 𝓜.𝔂𝓰 ✔︎

Ch.35 || The Truth Can Be Unbearable

"Min Yoongi." The name hurt to say. My heart clenched painfully while I cried.

"Did you know I love you? You never failed to make my heartbeat race. To this day it still races when I think of you. Do you know how much I think about you? All the time." My lips curved as I reminisced about Yoongi. My eyes traced the intricate designs of the coffin while I spoke.

"You have the most beautiful smile and I can't help but thank your mother for giving it to you. Your smile always lets the butterflies in my stomach run loose. The flutter around so fast I almost get sick. But it's such a wonderful feeling. Only a feeling you could give me." I sobbed out loud as I held my arms to my chest, clenching the material of my shirt tightly.

"Funny how we always get caught up in situations like this huh?" I chuckled sarcastically, finally resting my hand gently against the casket.

"I never realized how much you made me cry. It seems like every time I cried, it had something to do with you. How could I love someone who makes me cry so much? How could I never be mad at you?" I asked, speaking more to myself than Yoongi.

"I don't think I could ever stop loving you Min Yoongi. I just want you to know, even though you are no longer here," I took a deep breath, my sobs making it harder to speak, "even if I can't wrap my hands around yours. I'll hold on. I'll hold onto you and onto us. I'll hold onto the memories, good or bad. I'll hold on and never let go. I promise you Yoongi." I let out a sigh as I dropped to the ground. The grass pricked my legs but I ignored it. I couldn't will myself to get up as I cried on the ground.

Thankfully Leah came and helped me up, taking me to a seat next to hers and sat me down. It was time for people, family, and close friends, to say some words before his casket was buried.

~§~

Jin.

"Yoongi is one of my closest friends. We go as far back as elementary school." He let out a sad chuckle before continuing.

"We had dreams. So many dreams. We worked hard for our dreams." I couldn't help but cry with Jin. We all knew how Yoongi wanted to produce his own music. All of the boys did. It's a little upsetting that my uncle didn't give them that opportunity.

"It's unfortunate that some of these dreams didn't come true but we still stuck together. We became BTS. We worked together to help others' dreams come true, the dreams that we had. We taught the trainees to love themselves, to accept themselves, and to follow their dreams. It won't be the same without PD Min, but I know that we'll continue for Yoongi. For BTS."

Hoseok

"I remember Yoongi and I were really excited to be idols one day. We even chose our stage names. I was J-Hope and Yoongi was Suga." Hoseok smiled sadly while wiping away a tear.

"Together we were Sope. We'll always be Sope. It's funny, really. We're complete opposites. People would compare me to the Sun. Bright, energetic. While Yoongi was more like the Moon. Dark, quiet. We were complete opposites, yet that only made the bond closer. It's hard to believe he isn't around anymore." He breathed before letting a wide smile form on his face despite the rush of tears flowing down his cheeks.

"I like to think he became the Moon. So, when the sun goes down and the moon comes out, I like to think it's Yoongi telling me 'Goodnight', while he lights the night sky. I like to think he's watching over me, over all of us. It's still sad though. The Sun misses his Moon."

~§~

Everyone said such wonderful things about Yoongi, I couldn't bring myself up there to say anything though. I was too upset and I'm sure Leah and the guys understood that.

I wasn't surprised when it started to rain. It always seems to rain on days like these. It's like the clouds cry when people cry. Maybe it's Yoongi in the clouds, crying.

I was glad that Namjoon was willing to share his umbrella with me since I forgot to bring one.

"Thank you." I let out softly. Namjoon smiled sadly and pulled me into his side with his free hand. I was no longer worried about my disease if I didn't need to be.

"I know it feels like he left us. But I know he's still here. We can't see him or hear him, but he's in our hearts when we think of him. As long as we remember Yoongi, then he will always be with us. Yoongi exists in us. Pushing him away and forgetting him will only make him disappear." Namjoon was right. I don't want to forget Yoongi and I know he's in my heart. Forever and always.

I don't regret loving Yoongi, I regret not telling him. I regret waiting. I regret not telling him when I was in the hospital. I regret spending so much time worrying. Was it supposed to happen this way? Was there some supernatural force keeping me and Yoongi apart so when I finally decided to tell him, they decided to make sure that wouldn't happen ever? Yoongi is no longer alive, but his memories are. Our memories are.

I wish it wasn't true. We all wish it wasn't true. We wish he was alive, smiling, scowling, anything. But he isn't. Now he's an angel making music in the sky. 

That's the unbearable truth.

~§~

I'm going to miss this story. This is actually a lot older than it seems to some of you. I started writing this story a little over two years ago and had pre-written 22 chapters before I gave up on it and decided I was never going to publish it. Then after like a year or so, I wrote more chapters and decided to publish it. This story was my first ever fanfiction, my first baby. I'm going to miss it. Now here's the thing, since I wrote it so long ago, my writing has changed a lot since then. Although I love this story dearly, I'm not entirely happy with it. So I'm going to re-write it, a lot will be the same and a lot will be different. So, I want to know. Once I'm finished with the re-written version of Unbearable Pain, would you like me to replace the new chapters with all of these old ones or would you guys like me to just publish the new version in its own book and keep this one for those OG readers who want to look back?

Replace the chapters in this book?

Separate book for re-written version?

You guys can either comment on them or you can pm me.

Anyways, thank you for going on this wonderful journey in this book. Thank you for all the votes and comments. Thank you for reading and enjoying it. Much Love

~ Chimsy