Memories // Klance

That's What I Tell Myself

Lance POV:

Everything was hazy. Where was I? Who was I? I couldn't remember a single thing.

Or that's what I told myself.

I knew it was early in the morning when I stepped out of the healing pod, a fuzziness overloading in my brain.
"Where am I?" I heard myself say, my eyes flicking around the room. Keith was already with me, leaning against the makeshift bed and smiling warmly at my face. I wanted to smile back at him, but it would ruin everything. He'd know that I was faking it, know that I was just toying with him. So I played along, looking scared and paranoid and pale against the blue, dim light of the room.
"Hey. Do you remember your name?" Keith said, helping me regain my footing.
"..Lance?"
"Lance...?"
"I... I don't know."

I know this sounds like the most narcissistic thing, but I'm a hella good actor. As
Keith's smile faded, I knew that I was safe. He thought that I was truly gone. Well, I wasn't gone, but he thought that my memory had been partially erased. I felt bad, really bad about what I was doing to him. But I had already dug too far.

To others, it's no secret that Keith and I dislike eachother. But theres something underneath that hate, something that I think we both know is there, but we'd never want to acknowledge it. And okay, I know what you're thinking: Lance how could you do this, you're pretending to have forgotten your life, and now you're friends are freaked out?! How heartless! But my actions were made out of reason. It's not like I pretended to have gotten stabbed. Oh no, that was real. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

After Keith and I had, um, fought, I'd found myself in the training deck. I didn't usually go there by choice, only if Shiro forced me to, but this time, I had walked there without really realising. Keith's words had stabbed me like a blade, making my vision clouded with black spots and my lips quivering. Keith and I fought all the time, nonstop. About silly things, or life and death situations to do with Voltron. But he had never, ever told me that I was insignificant, or worthless, or nothing. In fact, no one in the team had, after Hunk told them of my insecurities. I was stupid, and I was weak, but everytime someone looked down on me, it always hurt more than it should've. I have a mega family, so I'm used to my parents not paying as much attention to me sometimes. But they didn't really tell me I was doing well in anything, but always praised my younger sister Veronica, for being outstanding in everything. And damn, did it hurt. I would work as hard as I could, but it never seemed to be enough. It killed whenever someone thought I wasn't good enough, because I tried so hard. It was as though my sole goal at the Garrison was for me to impress Keith, for him to finally notice me. Whenever I saw him, I felt... happy. Yet I hated how good he was at everything, and I'd tried to forget the things I thought and felt about him. But he never failed to make me smile, even when he glanced at me for less than a second.

However, now I knew how he really felt, and there was nothing I could to change that. I slipped on my gear in the changing rooms, not thinking about my actions, and stumbled into the main training area. Touching my bayard so that it grew on my arm to morph into a blue and white rifle, I talked into thin air. "Simulation, run level five, gladiator." My voice was monotonous, uninterested. Why was I even training? Why had I come here? It was the one place that Keith spent most of his time, and of course I had decided to plague myself with memories of him training in this very room. It made my heart beat out of my chest, and my stomach seemed to be having a rather large dance party, but I ignored the nausea as the gladiator came sprinting at me. I dodged lightly, shooting at the bots leg, but it evaded my laser.

That moment... it reminded me of a time when Keith had taught me how to avoid the gladiators properly, without getting cornered.

"Here, Lance, you have to do it like this."
We were alone in the deck, and his hand reached out to my arm. He stood behind me, his face breathing heavily next to my neck. He guided me towards the left in a quick movement, telling me how to position my legs so I didn't trip over. I flushed, and I could tell we were both slightly uncomfortable, but almost in a good way. We weren't too close, but even the feeling of Keith's hands on my arms made my head ache. He stepped back, and nodded. "Now try by yourself. Trust me, it works at least 70% of the time. Just don't do it too much, or the opponent will see it coming."
I smiled and did the slick movement again, and he held his thumbs up. He actually... did that. It felt like an volcano had erupted in my heart as I returned the favour.