Love Sucks (Muke)

Ch. 20 - Say Something

"Say something, I'm giving up on you, I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you, Anywhere I would've followed you, Say something, I'm giving up on you"

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*Michael's P.O.V*

It's been five days since I slapped Luke, luckily for him, he didn't get a bruise... But he slapped me back and I defiantly got a bruise.

Anyway, since that day, Luke & I have barely spoken... I have no idea why, Luke has just been distancing himself... We only speak around Calum & Ashton or when we are working... Even then, we aren't talking about what we really want to talk about.

Luke disappears for hours on end when we aren't working, I end up falling asleep by myself, but I do wake up snuggled up to Luke... I don't understand what's going on.

I wish I could get inside of Luke's brain so that I could figure out what he's thinking about all of this and fix it.

Aside from when we have to work, I don't leave the hotel room much, I probably should, but I don't, I just lay here in bed, watching TV or just sleeping. Normally I would play video games, but I feel to drained to bother.

Love sucks, and I wish I could stop my heart from loving Luke, but I can't, and it sucks more than love does.

Oh, and I've kind of gone mute, apparently. "You don't talk much lately" Ashton pointed out. "You're not turning mute are you? We need to hear your beautiful voice" Calum told me. Luke had no comment, he probably hasn't even noticed... Not that I care anymore.

Ashton & Calum seem to be worried about me... They think I'm depressed... Haha, that's funny... I'm not... I'm not depressed.

I mean, I know I have some or most of the symptoms of depression, but, I'm not, I'm fine. Really, I'm okay.

Still, Luke doesn't even care. Where the fuck is he anyway?! I smell alcohol on him every morning, but not enough to say that's where he is all the time... So where is he the rest of the time he's missing?!

I guess that question would be easier to answer if I got my arse out of bed and left the room... But that means getting dressed, and putting my makeup on, and fixing my hair... And I couldn't be bothered.

I don't even leave the place to get food, I either get room service or I ask Calum & Ashton to bring me food. But asking the boys worries them even more, so I try not to do that.

I feel like I really connect with the lyrics to one of our songs at the moment: Tomorrow Never Dies.

"It's hard to see the enemy, When you're looking at yourself, Maybe your reflection shows you, Screaming out for help"

I feel like I've been screaming out for help for ages, but maybe I'm not, and maybe I don't really care anymore.

"And you try your best to just keep up, And your feet they fall behind, But the beat you're marching to, You're keeping perfect time"

I just don't know anymore.

I want to talk to Luke, but he seems to just shut me out when I try to speak to him... Did I do something wrong? I thought he wanted to fix things as much as I did.

I feel like there is a black hole in my chest and I'm starting to find it hard to breath, it's driving me insane. I need to call Ashton, I need his help, I don't know what with exactly, but I just need him to be with me, I need some comfort.

I roll over in bed and reach over to grab my phone, which was sitting on the beside table. Pulling the blankets up closer to my chest, I dial Ashton's number.