𝑰 𝑺𝑬𝑨𝑹𝑪𝑯𝑬𝑫 𝑭𝑶𝑹 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑽𝑶𝑰𝑪𝑬 || 𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑖 𝑆𝑎𝑛

Chapter 23

I'm awake, yet I can't open my eyes.

I feel the temples throbbing and still the taste of alcohol in my mouth.

I blink several times, feeling sweaty, as if I had a fever.

I sit up and realize I'm naked, feeling the thin sheet that covers me in direct contact with my skin.

I open my eyes looking to my side, seeing the back of a boy who is still sleeping with his head immersed in the pillow.

I get up as if I had taken the shock, dragging the sheet with me, and seeing that he is also naked.

My head starts spinning when I look around and recognize that I'm in a room now familiar to me.

I look better at the boy and see them..the gray locks.

"San"
I whisper in shock while he seems to be still in a deep sleep.

How did I end up here?
The last thing I remember is Hongjoong giving me the good night.

"San!"
This time I call him with more conviction, and he starts to move, revealing a tattoo on his side, Chinese characters that I have no idea what they mean, surrounded by bare branches.

"Whoever you are, it was fun tonight. Now you can go."
San says, with hoarse voice from sleep.

Is this how he sends away the girls he sleeps with?
More asshole than I thought.

"Wake up!"
San raises his head, looking at me with his eyes still half closed, and widening them as soon as he realizes that I'm wrapped in a sheet in front of him.

"Julia"
"Do not move!"
I tell him as soon as I see that he tries to get up.
The last thing I want is to also see his private parts.

"Pass me my pants"
He tells me, lying on his stomach, pointing to the pants of his suit on the floor.

I do as he says, but I stop walking when I step on a plastic bag.
"Oh my-"
I look down and my fears are confirmed..it's a condom packaging.

I throw at him the pants and stand giving him the back, waiting for him to wear them.

"Do you remember what happened?"
I ask almost stammering.

"No, I drank yesterday"
His answer make burst what I've been holding back for too long.

I start to sob as tears flow down my face, and I hear San snorting.

"Come on Julia, we were both drunk ..It's as if it never happened"
He may be used to sleep with random people, but I'm not.
I can't believe it happened like this.

"Maybe it's not a big deal for you, but for me it is!!"
I scream, turning to face him.

And at that moment my gaze falls on the unmade bed, and on that red spot .. all that remains of what I had jealously preserved since now.

The tears start to fall again and San follows my gaze, confused of my reaction.

"Oh shit-"
It's San's reaction when he too looks at the evidence of what happened tonight.

A feeling of shame pervades me, but at the same time I am relieved that it happened with him and not with a complete stranger.

"You are..were.."
"Virgin"
I finish what he doesn't dare to say.

"I'm sorry"
San says, and from his tone I understand that he is sincere.

He has no faults, I am the one who got drunk.

The dream ... oh my god it wasn't a dream!
I was the one who teased him..
Give me a shovel I want to bury myself.

I cry and he drags me to his chest.
He caresses my hair in an attempt to calm me down, but I can't, I feel disgusting.

"Julia I can't give it back to you. But maybe I can do something.."
San says thoughtfully, and I look up, tacitly asking him to explain himself better.

"Your first time. We could do it again"

"Are you an idiot or what?!"
I push him away angry.
I can't believe he wants to take advantage of this situation.

"Think carefully, if you do it with me you won't add anyone to the list"
List?! What kind of reason is this?!

"You just want to fuck me again!"

"Is this what you think of me?"
In his question I feel the disappointment, but I don't care.
At this point I think he may be lying about the fact that he was also drunk.

"I thought you were different, instead you are like all the others"
After those words, San leaves the room, slamming the door and leaving me alone with my guilt.