tuggoffelees oneshots

fourty eight: double date

thank you @KaktusSenpai for suggesting this <3

mungojerrie and munkustrap, which is a ship i've never really heard of but i'm very excited to write it, invite tuggs and misto on a double date. fun!!!

    (i swear your guys' ideas are always so much better than mine lmao)

    edit: what tf am i supposed to abbreviate 'munkustrap' to???

misto pov
    across from me, mungojerrie fidgets with the buttons on his shirt as he orders his meal. munkustrap smiles fondly at him.
     i take a quick sip of the water the waiter had brought us prior to taking our actual orders. tugger smiles fondly at me.
    the seat we were lead to was a fancy little booth. i chose to sit in the far corner, with my back to the restaurant's entrance. tugger sat beside me, mungojerrie across from me, and munkstrap beside him.
     "lovely weather we're having," munkstrap says awkwardly. outside, thunder claps and it comically starts pouring rain. "on second thought..." we all laugh at the irony.
     "at least the dandelions will be watered!" jerrie pipes up, looking very excited.
     "oh, they're just weeds." tugger says, waving his hand dismissively.
     "actually," munkstrap chimes in, with his 'aCtUaLLy' sort of tone. you know the kind. "dandelions are very beneficial for a garden. they-"
     "no one cares, straps," tugger mutters.
     jerrie rolls his eyes and purses his lips. "well i care," he mutters.
     "only 'cause you're sleeping with him." tugger jokes.
     it's my time to shine, folks. "following your logic, i care about every terribly boring thing you've ever said, tugger."
     both jerrie and munkstrap turn their heads, showing the same expression. their eyes are wide, eye brows raised, and their jaws are lower than avi kaplan's voice.
     tugger dramatically shoots me a look that says 'bitCH'. that single snarky sentence may have been the last thing i've ever said, if i wasn't sleeping with him.

•••

     nothing interesting happened during dinner, but we all know who thinks dessert wine is a good idea. our favourite wine aunt—
     "my point is... dolphins. that's m'point." (if you got that reference, you know what to do) jerrie slurs, definitely way too intoxicated to still be conscious.
     "i really hope you're driving tonight," tugger says to his brother, taking a dramatic breath.
     munkstrap stares defeatedly at his cackling boyfriend. he sighs deeply. "yeah."
     "does this happen often..?" i ask quietly. but before i can have an answer, our waiter comes over.
     "excuse me gentlemen, but your friend has had the maximum total drinks i'm allowed to give you."
     "are you kicking us out right now?" jerrie says, standing up. "fight me bro, fight me."
     munkstrap grabs both his arms, necessarily holding him back. he fake-smiles at the waiter, who stares wide-eyed at the two of them.
      "bro i will fight you right now-"
      "will you shut up?" munkstrap hisses into his ear. jerrie turns around and puts his hands on munkstrap's biceps, smiling mischievously. "oh hi handsome," he says, biting his bottom lip and completely forgetting about his feud.
     "really, sirs, you have to leave."
     "yeah, yeah, just one second," munkstrap says, waving the waiter off. "listen, why don't we go back to my place and, you know..?" he says, matching his boyfriend's seductive tone. funny how someone as... tugger-ish as tugger can grow up in the same household as someone as clever as munkstrap?
     jerrie nods, dragging his finger down munkstrap's cheek, making a sizzling noise as he does so.
     munkstrap shoots tugger and me an annoyed look. "thanks for coming, but i think we better go. see you," he says, escorting jerrie away.
     "bye." tugger and i say in unison. tugger turns to me, smiling. "why can't you be like that?"
     "you want me to get unimaginably drunk, so much so that i don't even recognize you, then hit on you?" i ask, not being able to help my growing smile.
      tugger leans in close "if you're sober, you'll remember more," he whispers. i can almost hear the smirk in his voice.

     with that, we pay very quickly, and rush out of the restaurant as fast as possible. and that, my friends, is the fastest and easiest way to get laid.

hi idk what the fuck this was but i definitely laughed a lot. at my own jokes. because i'm a loser.