Chosen : Assassin Book 1

Chosen - Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

"I'm retiring to my room."

He nodded and waved me on. I curtsied and left. I leaned against the door, waiting for my shaking legs to steady. I wanted to confess to Cassius that there had someone else. I wanted to tell him I'd fallen in love while in France and had my heartbroken, but I couldn't. Seeing him again after his visit to the French courts, after our night of dancing and drinking, after the stolen kiss under the willow by the brook that ran through the courtyard, my heart was torn. I didn't want to feel that pain and betrayal again. I walked away without another word. The kiss should never have happened.

Stop it, Joselyn. You cannot fall for the king you serve. Don't forget about Jonathan. You love Jonathan.

I took a long breath of cool night air as I walked toward the stairs. I wanted nothing more than to curl up under the blankets.

Some assassin you are, Joselyn.

"Madame," a servant said, dipping into a low curtsy.

"Is the fire stoked?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"I'm going to bed now. Don't allow anyone in."

"Of course, ma'am."

I closed the doors behind me, leaving the servant girl in the sitting room. I untied my gown and let it fall to the ground. I stepped out of it and loosened my corset. My skin was red and marked with the seams. I hated those things most of all. A white nightdress lay on the bed.

White. Pure. Something I'm not. The corners of my lips turned down as I stared at it.

Why do we always wear white? Who at court is truly pure and innocent? Most definitely not I. I had the blood of men and women on my hands. I wrung the cloth in my hands, tears stinging my eyes. Letting out a scream of rage I threw it in the fire. I went to my trunk and dug through until I found a long, black nightdress. Pulling it over my head, I retreated to the large bed in the center of the room. The mattress was soft and the blankets warm. I crawled underneath and settled down on the fluffy pillows. I closed my eyes, listening to the crackle of the fire, and tried to sleep. My eyelids felt so heavy and my mind was already a million miles away from this place. I drifted away to another time. A time when I could be a normal girl. Running across the meadows in front of my family's estate, Cassius close behind. Through miles of wildflowers, further and further away. We paused near a creek and watched as a doe and her fawn sipped the cool water. Removing my shoes, I dipped my toes in and splashed about. A raccoon waddled along the bank, looking for fish for its supper. Cassius sat beside me, entwining his fingers with mine.

A knock at my chamber door roused me from the peaceful dream. I was brought back to reality rather abruptly. I lay still for a few moments, trying to will them away.

"Lady Joselyn?" a man's voice called from the other side.

"Yes?" I called out groggily.

"Are you awake, my lady?"

"No. Come back later."

"Your mother, the duchess, wants to see you."

"Yes, I know who my mother is. You don't have to tell me her title," I shouted at the door.

There was a long pause before the man responded. "Sorry, ma'am."

"What does she want?" I asked.

"She wants her daughter out of bed," my mother explained, bursting through the door.

"I did not say enter," I grumbled, watching her cross the room to my window.

She threw open the curtains allowing the bright midday sun to stream in. It burned my eyes. "I do not take orders from my daughter. Why are you still in bed?"