Mutiny (Attack On Titan)

Filler Chapter 4: Levi Ackermann

"Goddamnit Erwin". Levi muttered to himself. "Why? Why me of all people?".

When Levi was walking towards a household he was ordered to go to, he could not help but think about why did Erwin pick him, of all people, to inform a family about a loved one's death.

Truth to be told, Levi respected Erwin a lot. He always trusted his decisions and his way of thought no matter what, because Levi knew that Erwin sometimes knew better than him in so many things.

However, in this particular moment; he was questioning what was going through Erwin's head when he decided to burden him with delivering the news about a soldier's death to his family.

He still carried the cape of the deceased soldier, to make matters even worse; they couldn't recover the martyr's corpse to give him a proper burial. That's because that this soldier was devoured by a titan until nothing was left of him, and miraculously; his cape survived the jaws of that titan.

He felt a weight in his chest, a weight that he didn't feel for a very long time. He felt his stomach twist as he was trying to mentally prepare himself to face the soldier's entire family and tell them that their loved one has died heroically in battle. Hell, how is he supposed to tell them that?! He felt his heart pound against his chest in anxiety at the thought of how are they going to react.

However, Levi would understand whatever reaction they would have nonetheless. The least thing you'd expect in a day is to hear that someone who was close to you has suddenly passed away.

And even worse, there is no body to bury. There is no way for them to give that soldier a proper send off.

"What am I going to say?". He thought to himself. "How am I going to look at them in the eyes? Damn it, all of this is Goddamn frustrating". He thought to himself. "How am I supposed to tell them that without looking away?".

The house, as described by the paper Erwin had given to Levi, was just in sight, and Levi felt that every step he was taking become slowly heavier as he was beginning to gain closure on that house. It was nothing but an ordinary house, and it looked like that it would only house 4 people within it. It was small but it looked very nice, and it had a small garden filled with flowers of many colors.

But how nice the garden looked like wasn't the thing that Levi should be focusing on, rather he should focus on wither or not he really was able to face that family he was supposed to meet. All of this caused turmoil to brew within Levi's mind.

Levi hated every moment of that turmoil, he hated that he had to carry the cape of a soldier who died heroically in battle, he hated the fact that he would have to face the soldier's loved ones straight in the eye and tell them that their son, husband or brother died in battle, but most of all; he hated the fact that he would have to see them crumble in front of him; either start crying loudly or in a swirl of emotions start projecting their anger and frustrations at him.

Levi understood the pain of loss, he understood how it feels like to lose someone precious and he wouldn't want anyone to go through that pain, but such things were beyond his control.

He already accepted that this world is nothing but a cruel place to live in ever since he was a child, and the only way to be able to stand up for yourself and survive is that if you were strong, not just have the physical strength to survive; but the mental strength as well.

But still, Levi wished that he would have the ability to control fate, but he knew that this was nothing but a childish ambition.

His time in the Underground already proved that, all of the cruelties that he witnessed made him realize how fatalistic this world can truly be.