Jason & Darius |Craving Yours| ✔

21.Regrets & then some

Darius Dixon

"Boss the wheel hubs you ordered are here," Joseph said from beside the car I was working on.

"Busy," I grunted out to him.

Joseph was one of my oldest employees he knew how to handle deliveries so why was he lagging around like he was new to this.

"Uh... Okay." He said hesitantly before walking away.

I continued working on the engine of the vintage Rolls-Royce I was under. Everything about it was beautiful and the fact that it had lasted this long was a miracle. Just being under it made me feel like something in my life was going according to plan. I slid the ratcheting wrench into the groove and cranked the bolt tight. This car was sheer perfection. The car was so brilliant working on it made me feel like my life was worth a few million dollars.

"Uh, boss." Joseph's voice wafted from the side of the car, again.

"What! Joseph."

"Nothing. It's fine."

I slid from under the car and managed to catch his deer caught in headlights look before he turned to scurry away.

"Joseph!"

"Yeah. um okay. Yeah."

I raised an eyebrow as I watched him stammer and try to string together coherent sentences.

"See the thing is... You seem to be in a bad mood today and uh about those wheel hubs? I remember how you wanted a hundred and um the thing is Tom. Not me Tom...."

"Joseph." I prompted him to speak faster as I walked towards storage. Wiping my hands on the rag from my pocket.

"He uhh might have.well..." Joseph trailed off.

Of course. It never just rains does it. It always has to pour. As if my day was not bad enough. I was looking at rows and rows of sealed boxes. I blinked just a little as I tried to think of a rational way to deal with what I was looking at. I shoved my left hand into the left pocket of my overall as I tried to think of a calm way to express how enraged I really was.

I turned to go back to the soothing task of fixing my Rolls maybe just maybe if I stopped thinking about it long enough it would go away on its own.

"So, boss? What do you want us to do?" Joseph said barely whispering behind me.

"Fix it by the end of the day or decide who is fired," I said sliding back under the car.

Joseph mumbled something inaudible before scurrying away. They would deal with it this was not my problem at least not today. I couldn't deal with this not now. I immediately thought about how I would have told Jason about this mishap when I got home. But he was not waiting up for me anymore.

He wasn't there to cook bad food for me and talk about things he probably didn't care about just to pass time. All of a sudden I remembered the broken look he had when he decided he did not want to be in my life anymore. This was it. My sad lonely life alone. Alone. Always alone. Lately, every decision I made seemed to leed to this. Being alone. Even when I didn't try I always ended up alone. Like some curse.

My hand immediately shot to my right pocket where my phone was. As soon as I felt the slim hard outline of the device I realised I couldn't call the only other family I had. After all, Olivia had made it abundantly clear that I wasn't her brother and Mildred and James would not appreciate me calling Carol. I took my hand out of my pockets and with the sting of tears in my eyes, I focused on the engine I was working on. My only friend. My only family. The only piece of comfort I had left in this world.

I eased my body from under the car with a certain reluctancy that only came from the strain in my wrists. If I could I would sleep under cars fixing them all night. But the strain from holding up my hands always made me feel like I was getting carpal tunnel syndrome. An illness I surely could not afford.

I looked at Olivia's contact memorising the same numbers that I already knew. My thumb hovered over the dial button but instead of actually pressing it I let my thumb swipe across the screen closing the page. Olivia would know what to do.  She usually helped me with advice that seemed to work. Calling her would be the right thing to do. Even if she wanted nothing to do with me. What was family if you weren't meant to annoy each other?

The silence in my house made me feel even more alone like the world could swallow me whole and no one would even notice I was missing. After constant tossing and turning, I decided against sleep.

My mind was drifting to days of Jason and I hanging out. Talking about mindless things. Subconsciously filling voids I did not know were there. Although Carol's words still swam in my head something was preventing me from admitting how much I actually missed Jason.

Mood