Jason & Darius |Craving Yours| ✔

7.In & Out

Darius Dixon

The room was dimly lit and I couldn't see much past lines and shapes. But no amount of darkness could have prevented me from missing the sincere look in Jason's brown eyes as he stared down at. I didn't even remember how I ended up in bed with Jason. I was angry at Olivia and her adoptive parents.  The next thing I knew I was driving home in a rage and when I arrived I remembered last night. I remembered the kiss so I did the only thing I could. I kissed Jason. I poured all my emotions and needs in the kiss and then one thing led to another and we were naked in bed together. 

He plunged deeper, slowly, eyes trained on mine and lips sealed in some sort of new silence. He used a hand to wipe away tears from my eyes that I hadn't realized where there. Then he dipped down so our naked bodies were flush against each other and he placed a soft slow kiss on my lips. He then proceeded to lift himself up so he could pull out even slower before pushing back in at an excruciatingly slow pace. He made me feel so full, whole and wanted that for a second I forgot that he wasn't Mason. I forgot that Olivia did not fight for me. I forgot that I was alone now. I forgot that no one wanted me. Because Jason clearly did. Jason was here and for a brief time I was not an island. 

He moved in and out slowly like he was taking his time to savour the moment and the feel of skin rubbing against skin. Everything was practised even the movement of his hands across my body. And the sudden but slow gentle kisses he would give me here and there. He made sure to be gentle yet precise like he was afraid to break me. He moved so slowly that I was startled when he held my member in his hand and stroked firmly. I bit my lip and swallowed a groan.

He shifted slightly and hit the right spot with a certain ease that I didn't think anyone could have. Then he continued to prod it with silence looming between us like a thick fog. We hadn't said much except a kiss and a scurring of clothes between us. He had looked at me and I had known I wanted whatever he was offering. He wasn't really one for long sentences and many words.

As I lay in bed feeling like he was worshipping me wholly in the most sensual sexual experience ever. I couldn't help the thoughts that crept into mind reminding me how big of a mistake I was making. And Jason winced when I came with the name of his brother on my lips. He followed right after looking slightly debauched and exhausted before collapsing onto the pillow next to me. He used his hand to wipe away tears from my face one last time. Then he eased out of me with a slight grimace and a grunt.   

"You stay here, " I said feeling a rotten coil in the depth of my stomach before getting off the bed and hastily wearing my sweats and a t-shirt over the sweat and evidence. "I will sleep on the couch."

I left the room without giving him time to think or reply.

I found myself heading to the bathroom in a blind haze. Why had I done that? This was not right. I couldn't do this. I shouldn't have done it. I loved Mason. And he was not even gone long enough, in fact, he was barely a pile of bones. This was somehow Olivia's fault. For abandoning me. I told myself as I felt the guilt gnaw at the lining of my stomach.

"Hey," Jason said startling me from the doorway, his voice soft and strained."Are you okay?"

"Yeah...I ...I am just going to take a shower." I said turning slightly so I could face him.

I waited for him to leave so I could undress. It all felt stupid now. But I didn't want him to see me naked. It had been enough that he had already been in me. I had let him defile me. I had let him take what was not his. And I had liked it. I liked every wrong second of it. Jason stared at me as if he wasn't sure if I was really okay or if I was just brushing him off.

His eyes narrowed in question after I did not say anything else. Why did I have to say something? He should have said something. This was not right. Every bone in my body knew that this was not right. If Mason were here this would be cheating. This was definitely not alright.

"Thanks," I said awkwardly dismissing him from the spot he stood in the doorway. He didn't move for a second or two as if thinking of something then with the shake of the head he left closing the door softly behind him.

I turned the shower nobs to cold and stepped in gingerly bracing myself for the onslaught of cold water. I felt the powerful stream of water hit my back and began the process of scrubbing myself clean. But no matter what I did nothing changed. I felt dirty, filthy, cheap and vile. Almost like what I had done was sinful. In fact, I knew it was immoral and it was what made it all worse. The fact that the sex was mind-blowing was another stab to my conscience. It was sadly the best I ever had. And now I felt dirty for a whole new reason.  Mason was not bad at sex he just always wanted to rush things but Jason had taken his time. He had done it slow and conscious of his every move. Almost as if he had planned it.

I cranked the heat up on the shower as the water hit me with the force of a horse running for its life. I needed to forget Jason. I needed to not think about him. I needed to forget this ever happened and tell him it could never happen again. I needed him to know we could never be and I needed him to believe it. I really did.

The water washed over me and no matter how much soap I used I couldn't seem to get clean. Everything was too much, too overwhelming and too sinful. How could I let myself do that? This was all my fault. I had let Jason crush here and he had basically moved in.  I should have told him no. I should have...

All of a sudden my body was limp and tired. I needed to sleep. I needed to go back to bed and wake up refreshed. I needed the energy that cane with a new day.  I shut off the showers feeling wearier than I did before the shower. Then without drying anything, I wore my sweats and t-shirt over my wet dripping body.

I slowly trudged to the living room so I could at least get some sleep. But I stopped in my tracks when I noticed the human-shaped lump sleeping on the couch. Jason had taken the couch instead. I stood in the doorway trying to make up my mind on whether I was going to wake him up and ask him or just go to bed. So instead of asking him. I took the sensible option and went to bed.

After all, it was a good thing I didn't have to tell him to sleep on the couch, waking up to his face in the morning would have driven me insane. I slipped into the covers and huddled up on the left side facing the wall. I couldn't even bring myself to face Mason's side. What would he think of what I had done?