Femme Fatale.

36

"If you could just shut up!" My fist connects with the glass table fiercely and I wince in pain.

"You still haven't fallen in love with me." She laughs. A fragile broken laugh and I feel my heart ache at causing her heartbreak.

"You asked me to be your girlfriend. Love was not part of the bargain." I say rather harshly.

"Oh." Lax murmurs.

"Forgive me, I know you won't take this kindly but I need to say it nevertheless." I sip my coffee, pausing deliberately to raise her curiosity.  "Now, I find your company tolerable but I think you'd best leave." I blurt out and take her hand in my eagerness.

"I'm not needed here I see." Her voice is soft and quiet but she closes her other hand over mine.

"No. Erm...my uncle will be here soon and I'd be obliged if he knows nothing of your visit."

"I will go if you tell me what the dream was about."

"Nightmare, I'm afraid." I blink back the tears rising in my eyes.

"I suppose I should leave." She says quietly, making no further protest for she knows nowt how to change my mind.

A gloomy cloud of awkward silence settles over us and I find my heart oddly gladdened by it but after some minutes her voice breaks the silence smoothly, like a hot knife cutting through butter and she starts her inquest with a barrage of questions.

"How often?" Lax's voice is soft and I struggle to focus on her,to listen to her but I feel myself spiralling away, losing control. "Not too often, I hope?" She continues in the distance.

Her voice fades away and another sound swells up, soft and sweet, filling the room. The voice of my dead mother humming a lullaby.

"No. Not again please." I murmur.

Lax notices my break down and startled, she drops her fork with a clatter. The rattle of silver on china, a sound quite unbecoming of a lady. I would've glared in reprimand but I feel the wheels in my head begin to turn fast.

My discomfort only makes the sound louder and I feel the room spin around me. I feel as though the floor under my feet is nonexistent and I am helplessly falling into an abyss of darkness.

I collapse clumsily into the sofa, shut my eyes and listen closely. The sofa feels like a hammock chair rocking back and forth in waves. I fiercely cover my ringing ears with my sweaty hot palms and let the music engulf me.

A darkness comes to me with the speed of a runway horse, a black sea raging in it and I let the water sweep me away, carry me into it's deep end and I willingly drown. Too exhausted to fight.

It must be minutes or hours later when I come to with a wild migraine, a coldness at the pit of my stomach and an achingly dry throat. The plushness of a duvet and the softness of the sofa comfort me.

I hear the creak of the sofa and feel the balance shift as Lax sits by my side,taking my hand in both of hers. Again, she starts with a flurry of questions.

"What was that? What are these dreams you keep having? You were squeaking like a dog Carla!" She asks sweetly, her voice laden with enough honey to cause a toothache.

"Nothing to raise alarm." I feel my heart swell at the soft caring tone in her voice and an unwilling smile spreads across my face.

"I care Carla. I love you." A light flashes in her eyes momentarily and when I don't reciprocate her feelings, it dies down.

"Uncle isn't already back,is he?"

"Come,it's only one in the morning."

Lax moves to hold my hand but I quickly escape her grasp and move to the balcony. The city under us is like a starry sky with the shining lights in some apartments. Perhaps the apartment of a writer finding the next word to express their emotions, a couple sweating as they thrust into each other, a nerd studying, a business man finishing his stack of papers and of course one light is from this very apartment for the teenage girl who constantly feels worthless and cries her eyes out.