Catch 22

38

An: a double update bc I've been on a role today. Read 37 first!

My mind is a mess as I hurry in through the arena's back entrance and allow the crew to mic me up.

"How is she?" Luke calls out to me from his spot a few feet away where he's shaking himself out before we go onstage.

"It's bad, Luke. Bad. I'll tell you after our set." I say quickly trying to distract myself from the guilt I feel for being here knowing what my girlfriend is going through in the town over.

I rely on muscle memory to get me through the performance. I probably come off robotic but at least I'm here.

It's a good distraction, the sea of people in front of me. They all seem to be having the time of their life and for a while I can shove my thoughts and worries about Rowen to the dark corners of my mind and try to live in this moment, one breath at a time.

As we come off stage I can feel the questions the boys are trying to hold back in the air around me. Their concerned and that information is written all over their faces.

"So?" Mike asks as he along with Ashton and Luke take a seat on the couch in front of me and I close the door behind us.

They look up at me expectantly, giving me their full attention.

My throat tightens as it works to clear the excess moisture from my mouth.

"She's got a damn good reason for not talking to me the past week." I sigh, immediately their curiosity is peaked and I know it's a good thing I had asked Rowen's permission to fill the boys in. All the way in.

"You know how she had a bunch of fainting spells and all throughout the tour and she just told you she was dehydrated or exhausted?"

They nod and I take that as my cue to continue.

"She had a kidney disease and almost two years ago she had a transplant. Her brother in law gave her a kidney and as if that's not enough he died on the operating table."

"Holy shit." Ashton says, disbelief and concern on his face.

I tuck my bottom lip into my mouth and let out a gathering breath through my nose.

"Anyways so she was on all these medications and trying to follow doctors guidelines while she was out with us but I guess with everything going on she forgot the anti-rejection medications sometimes and between that and the added stress on her body they think she's rejecting her transplant." I finish.

My eyes flicker over each of their reactions. They stare back at me in varying stages of shocked and unsure, struggling for what to say.

"What does that even mean?" Luke asks and I gulp as I try to come up with the right words to explain it to him.

"She's having some tests done today. The tests are supposed to confirm if she really is in rejection and if that's the case she said they'll try upping her anti-rejection medicine and if that doesn't work they'll probably have to put her on the donor list."

I shut my eyes and try to hold back my emotions. I'm usually so good at hiding my feelings and bottling them up so that no one can detect them. Rowen makes it harder for me to do that because I just feel so much, more, than I ever have before.

"She'd have to go through surgery again?" Michael asks for clarification and I nod.

"Yeah, that's my understanding."

"And if she doesn't get a transplant?" Ashton asks, his voice is soft, barely coming out above a whisper in his concern.

I shift my gaze to the wall. I shove that thought away entirely and focus on the dull grey paint that covers the small room and the way bits of it have flaked up with time. My silence seems to give him the answer to the question he had asked and I sink into the fabric of a wingback chair to my left.

I slide down until my waist is almost hanging off the edge, my lips set in a pout and my hands joined on my abdomen right below the spot on my chest where my 'choose life' tattoo is located.

I wish I could just leave and go back to see her now. We don't have a show tomorrow and we're in California all week, I just want to be with her as much as possible.

Because I don't know how long being with her will actually be possible. My mind adds and I release an annoyed burst of air from my nose.

I can't think like that.

I leap up when our call for our collaboration with the Chainsmokers comes, rushing to the stage and hoping to get this over with as quickly as possible. I order an Uber before we head onstage hoping it will have arrived by the time we play the song so I can leave straight away.

The boys have nothing to say as I tell them my plan though I would surely tear into them if they dared to challenge me on this.

Why is it always me? Why am I the one with the shitty luck?

Fuck, I'm a terrible person. Rowen might be dying and I'm here making this about me.

I rush offstage, thankful to see the message that my car has arrived. I grab the duffle I'd packed before the show and head for the gate slipping into the back seat of the black SUV and praying the drive will pass quickly.

"Kate!" I say gently, shaking her shoulder to wake her.

"Wh-what? Oh. Hi, Calum." She says quietly. Copeland is asleep in her arms.

"Why are you out here and not with R—Sage?" I ask, my eyebrows coming together in a purely curious way.

"Her biopsy took longer than normal and the recovery period is quite a bit. She's still not back, the nurse promised to come wake me when she returned. Her room felt weird without her or her bed in it so I just came out here." She says, her voice is low and her eyes half-hooded. She's obviously exhausted.

"Here, give me Copeland and get some rest. I'm not going to be getting any sleep anytime soon." I admit. My body still tingles with the adrenaline from stage and it's only amplified by my concern over my girlfriend. I surely won't be getting any rest any time soon.

Kate does as I ask and Copeland smacks her lips in her sleep but doesn't stir and I transfer her to my arms. Her lovey is held tightly against her small body, gripped in her hand.

Kate's head falls against my shoulder as she slips off to sleep and I don't have the heart to move her. The blue-black bags beneath her eyes tell me her concern for Rowen mirrors my own. Her body has worried itself exhausted and I won't deprive her of whatever sleep she can get.

I lean my head back against the wall the chair I'm seated in is pushed against and bounce Copeland lightly as she grunts in her sleep. A small smile covers her face and I run the pad of my thumb over her cheek.

I feel myself start to get a bit choked up at the thought of all Rowen will miss out on with Cope if this takes a turn for the worst.

The whole thing is heartbreaking and I don't remember the last time I've felt so much.

An: Damn I'm breaking my own heart here.

Almost at the end of this story so I went ahead and posted the first chapter of my new Calum book, 'Wherever You Are' which is a Soulmates AU book. It's something new for me and I hope you'll check it out!

Ily
Sav🖤