Catch 22

33

Pure panic sets in as sound check begins.

My eyes flicker over the sound board as I try to concentrate on the sound levels and what I'm hearing. Fuck, I haven't done this in months and my hangover that seems to be proving incurable is doing nothing to help my case.

I fumble with the controls and struggle to get the sound I'm looking for. It takes about twenty minutes longer that usual for us and I can feel the hulking frustration from everyone until I finally call it and dismiss everyone to their duties.

"You alright?" Cal asks as he approaches me a few moments later. I'm still fiddling with a few things, a scornful looks painted on my face as I try to concentrate.

"Nope." I say simply and he sighs.

"Rowen..." he says softly, his hand clasping around my wrist gently.

"Cal please!" I say snatching my wrist back and turning a knob that controls the amount of feedback.

"Sorry." I say after a moment seeing the look of hurt cross his face, I cover my face with my hands and let out a heavy breath.

"Hey, hey." He says coming around to my side of the sound board and pulling me to him. His hand strokes over my hair and he presses a kiss into the messy strands of my hair. "I know this is a big deal for you but you're going to do fine. You've been itching to do this for over a month. Why are you freaking out?" He asks softly.

"Nothing sounds right, I can't concentrate to save my life, my heads pounding and I just feel so unprepared. Everything's going to go to hell in a hand basket tonight and it's going to be all my fault."

"Babe, breathe. You'll be fine, the show will be fine. I'm gonna give you some space and go get you something to eat. Then you're on strict orders to sit the fuck down and relax until it's showtime, okay?"

I nod and take a calming breath just trying to get my shit together.

"It's all gonna be fine, Row. I believe in you."

I give him a half smile, it's all I can muster.

"Thank." I mumble, pushing away from him and turning back to the board.

I sigh and prop my chin on the palm of my hand, my elbows resting against the sound board as I squat to look at everything as I've set it. Cal seems to realize I need to focus and he disappears backstage.

I can feel the hot tears stinging my eyes but I squeeze them shut.

Fuck it, I'll have to finish on the fly. I can't risk making it worse. I use my phone to take a picture of the setting and head backstage. I bypass the green room where I know Cal has gone along with the crew room and head straight for the bathroom.

I can't deal with company right now. I just want to be left alone. I lock the door of the individual style women's bathroom and shrink down into the padded chair that has no purpose in this room but I'm thankful for.

I tuck my legs under me and cover my face as I finally let the tears fall. Fuck, why am I like this. I should have known better.

I haven't drank that much, well, ever. I still don't remember what happened last night and it feels almost cruel that today of all days in the day I've been chosen to basically control the show.

I stay in my hiding spot for a long while. Until I've cried as many tears as my body seems capable of and then washed my face.

I check the hallway first before slipping from the bathroom and heading for the bus. I wince as the light from the sun shoots a searing pain through my head. I climb on board, I sigh in relief in the darkness, rifling through my stuff that I've stashed on Cal's bus until I find my makeup. I reapply it as quickly as possible hoping to cover my breakdown with cosmetics. When it's as good as it's going to get I repack everything and head out to find Calum.

Locating him isn't a challenge, he's sprawled across the couch of the green room, his eyes closed and his facial features peaceful.

I lay on top of him and he pops one eye open.

"Good things it's you." He laughs and I give him a look.

"Who else would it be?" I giggle.

"The boys can be a little touchy feely." He shrugs and I laugh. "This is best case scenario."

"Well good, I'm glad." I say laying my head against his chest as he holds my body against his.

"You feeling better?" He asks and I sigh, my ear pressed against his chest can hear the steady thump of his heart.

"It's fine, or it will be. It has to be." I say, though more to myself than anyone else.

"You're gonna be fine. Don't stress yourself out about it. This is literally what you do."

"Yeah, well, usually I'm not hungover."

"Well, lets get some food in you. That ought to help a bit, babe." He says sitting up and turning me in his lap so I can stand easily.

He extends his hand and tangles our fingers as he pulls me along, my free hand tracing patterns against the dark markings of the ink in his skin.

We each fill a plate in catering and return to the green room to eat. The other boys and their girlfriends have all collected their and I say hi. Everyone seems to be doing better than me following our night of revelry and I'm a little put off by it.

"Why am I the only one still feeling like shit?" I wonder aloud to Cal.

"Well, to be fair, you're the only one of us with only one working kidney."

He's not wrong. I know alcohol affects me differently but I'd gotten drunk willingly and now I was paying the price for it. I clean my plate and hope the food will help my body to rid itself of the alcohol and give me the chance to help the boys have a great show.

The call for the crew goes out and I bite my lip as my nerves overwhelm me.

"Come here." Cal says, his hands framing my face as he kisses me deeply. "You'll be great. Have some confidence, okay?" He asks and I nod.

"I love you, Row."

"Love you too, Cal." I say,taking a few smalls steps away before letting his hand drop from mine as I turn and follow the crew to get ready for the boys set.

This will go well right? It has to.

An: so how is Sage's first time working FOH gonna go?

Thoughts?

Let me know

Ily
Sav 🖤