Catch 22

34

I cringe as I heart the first notes of the boys show ring out.

Everything sounds off. Shit.

I had used the levels that showed in the picture I took after soundcheck but nothing sounds as it should.

My hands shake with nerves as I try anything and everything I know to fix it.

Three songs in to the set I am still not happy with  the sound I'm getting. Calum keeps shooting me panicked looks and pointing to his ear monitors and I just want to strangle him. I know it isn't right, but I don't know what is wrong. I've done everything like I normally do, but for some reason it was still all wrong.

As the boys switch gears for the acoustic part of the set Anthony shows up at my side in the booth.

"Just go tech for Cal. I'll fix this mess." He says coldly and I feel my heart drop. I've ruined the opportunity I had worked so hard for.

I walk quickly towards side stage, flashing my pass to gain entry to the back and heading for side stage. I try not to let my disappointment in myself show. I don't want to cry. Not right now. I still have a job to do.

"What are you doing back here?" Cal asks as he hands me the bass he's been using and I give him another already in the key for this next song.

I just shrug and a look of concern covers his face.

"You alright?" He asks and I nod.

"I'm fine. Go! They're waiting on you." I say as softly as possible while still allowing him to hear me. Reluctantly he presses a kiss to my forehead and shuffles backwards out to his spot on stage.

I watch him go, trying to focus on the tasks at hand and not let myself wallow in my disappointment with myself.

When the show ends Cal hands me his bass and I get it packed away while he sheds his sound packs and I begun takedown. He doesn't retreat to the green room with the boys as he normally does. Instead he lingers side stage, watching me carefully in a way that perhaps should make me feel better due to his proximity but instead leaves me feeling nervous and self conscious.

His hand slides around my shoulder, my hand raising to meet his as his fingers tangle with mine as I finish tear down and head off stage.

"Row, what happened?" He asks gently. He's not trying to pry but I'm already upset and his questions are irritating.

"I fucked up. Anthony pulled me off the board. I don't really want to talk about it." I say, my words short trying my best to indicate I'd rather discuss something else.

"Row-" he starts but he's cut off by Anthony calling my name.

My head snaps up and I'm immediately filled with feelings of dread.

"Yes?"

"Join me in here please!" He calls and I stand with a sigh and walk slowly towards the door he's indicated.

I glance back at Cal who's still standing in the hallway watching me go. He looks nervous which does nothing to calm my rapidly beating heart.

"Hey, Sage."

"Hi." I offer cautiously. Nodding my head at Matt who is also in the room.

"Why don't you talk to me about last night and today?" Matt asks and I nod, a large lump growing in my throat. This isn't going to go well.

"Um, well, last night was Halloween so you know, everyone went out." I say slowly and they both nod encouraging me on.

"Uh, I had a few drinks. No more than anyone else but it may have affected me a little more than others because of my health concerns." I say honestly.