Chapter 44

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I missed New York, I admit it now. I've adapted to the crazy functioning city, listening to sirens going off in the distance and several car horns in the night. I missed the Manhattan skyline that highlighted the Freedom Tower in Tribeca, the wide range of international cuisine and culture, and most of family.

My dad thought the best way to cheer me up would be to play the Oreo Lick Race. We used to do it a lot when I was younger, and he would always lick slower than me so I could win. What he didn't know is that I always bit away at the cream with my teeth and hide it under my tongue, and he never caught me.

"I saw you." until then. "You ate some cream." he said. We were sitting at the kitchen table, fully cleaned oreo tops and two glasses of milk.

"I did." I said.

"I'm gonna eat some chocolate." he said, biting into the orea top.

"Doesn't make the cream my favorite." I told him.

"See, I like the cream the best." he said.

"I like the chocolate." I thought the actual chocolate cookie was better, the cream was way too sweet on it's own.

"Yeah, just like your mother," what? "Complicated."

"No kidding..." I agreed. Although it was nice being with my dad again, I wished I was back in New York. But how could I go back to something that's ashamed of me?

"Why'd you do it?" I finally asked. That was the question I knew my dad was waiting for me ask. "Why would you do that to this family?" dad sighed and put down his cookie.

"You want the truth Dani?" he asked me.

"I would definetely." I replied.

"To be honest, I did it for your well being." huh?

"You slept with another your own house...for our well being? Do you understand how fucked up that sounds?" I asked him.

"Of course I do. Let me try to explain so you'll understand. Dani, in life you meet people whom you think you'll live out the rest of your life with, but that doesn't happen. Your marriage becomes dry, uneventful, tedious...and you don't know how to break it to your spouse. The truth is, I see men like Howard Trenway, and I could never be that kind of man. So as much as it hurt me, I had to break your mother's heart so she could start fresh." he explained.

"That has to have been the dumbest thing I've ever heard." I told him.

"I know, I know, but when it's makes sense. Now look at your mother; she went from a manager to an Enterprise Stakeholder. She's getting married to a terrific guy who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated. You're both better off without me." he said.

"Dad, that's so not true! We loved you! I loved you! You honestly thought that we would be better off without you?" I asked him.

"You don't understand Dani, I do love you, and I did it for your own good. You may hate me for it, but it's true." he said.

"So if you were some big-shot corporate lawyer, you wouldn't have cheated on mom?" I asked. He didn't answer, but just nodded his head.

"There are some men who can step up and be the man they have to be. I haven't found good work in years, Dani, I could barely keep up. Your mother and I were growing apart anyway, so I figured I'd be doing us both a favor." he said.

"You talk things out dad, you don't go sleeping around and just waiting for your sixteen year old daughter to find you. I'll never be able to forget that!" I told him.

"Did you talk things out with your mother? Is that why you came here in the the early morning? Because you talked things out?" he asked.

"Okay well...she did more shouting and I tried to defend myself." I said, noticing I was twirling the chain of my necklace around my fingers. No matter how mad I was, I still loved the necklace mom gave me.

"Your mother only wants what's best for you. Sometimes what she wants for you may not be what you want, but she does it out of love." he replied. Love, everything always seemed to come back to love. It had to be the most wonderful yet horrible word invented. It's only four letters, yet has a huge impact on everybody.

"The things I did with Zac, they were out of love. Didn't matter if it was before or after the fact that our relationship grew, but I love him. And then I left, and I hurt him." I said.

"So what're you doing here? Miles away?" dad asked. "Go back, go see him. Make up with your mother, and watch her walk down the isle with someone who deserves her." he said. It hurt hearing my dad say those words, but I wasn't about to argue. My dad gives himself less credit than he thinks he deserves.




Subject: I'm Sorry

Dear mom,

I'm sorry for a lot of things. I'm sorry that I went behind your back, I'm sorry that I lied, but what I'm most sorry for is breaking your heart. The truth is, I'm growing up, and I will never be perfect. I fell in love with somebody and that was beyond my control, kind of like how you did. New York has changed the both of us, it felt like just yesterday that we were leaving our old house and on our way to the aiport. Tell Howard that I'm sorry too, but he needs to understand that his son his special. This is hard on all of us, and I miss you all everyday. But I love Zac, as hard as it may be to except. He loves me, he defends me, he understands who I am as a person and I'm not so sure that I will ever find someone like that ever again. Our relationship may crumble, tumble, fall apart, but I'll be okay as long as I have you by my side, mom. I miss you so much, and I hope you can forgive me for what I've done.

Love you lots,


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