Two Different People

Chapter 1.1 Miracle Lane

Chapter 1.1

Miracle Lane

I hate life.

I hate being the odd one out of my siblings and cousins. I'm like the black sheep of my family. I hate it. Everybody is married and settling down, starting a family and I'm here just waiting to find a job that will except me who I am. But, no. How much time my siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles and my parents tried to make me fit in with everybody else in the family, making me not be the odd one out of everybody in family parties. They just make it worse and make me more depressed. They should just leave me alone with glasses on, a stick placed on my hand and my guard dog. Why try when they never treated me like a normal person should be treated. They only helped me out so they could look good in front of their co-workers and colleages.

I may be blind, but I do have feelings that they all stare at me. Even before I was blind! I was still the black sheep that they always forgot about. But, everything changed when the accident happened.

I hate it that I can't see the world around me. The green grass, the blue sky, the moon, the sun, the stars and everything beautiful around me. Cooking was my passion, but if I go near the kitchen the house would be on fire. Taking photos of different flowers and drawing where also my favourite. I can't do any of these anymore. They were the only things that would brighten my day and make my day going.

Now I wake up with darkness everyday. Depression that takes over me that wants me to end my life. I can't though! I fight my depression. There are people out there that can't fight their depression like me. I hate it. Why can I fight it? Is what i ask myself constantly when there are people out there who need to fight depression more than me. They have families who love them more than mine do, me.

The only person who understood me, is gone. They knew how to cheer me up in my darkest days, the fights I had with my family for no reason at all and the feelings I was going though. They knew everything about me.

Now, I'm locked in my room. Staring at something that I have no idea of what. Hearing my family laughing and cheering. Announcements that are made by my siblings and cousins.

"We're expecting."

"I made it."

"This is my boyfriend, Dan."

"This is my babe, Melissa."

"I started my own business and I can't believe I'm going to be CEO of my own company."

After one week I became blind nothing really changed with my family and everything stayed the same with them. I would wake up and always hit my leg in my bed frame and feel a burning sensation that tells me I'm bleeding.

They know that I can't see and don't even remind me food is ready. They think that your blind and assume that your deaf and can't eat. I may be blind, but I can hear and eat.

I would go days without food. I get it, I'm the black sheep. But, can't you help a blind daughter, blind sibling, blind cousin or blind niece out with food or water once a while. If it isn't for my nephew and the maid in the house I would be starving.

I was never a bitch of a person. People would walk over me and I would just be the one who apologised to them. Sometimes, there had been days that i wanted to end my life. One day, I had slit open my arms and the next day in high school everybody found out because my siblings and cousins told everybody about it. From that day on I was called.

"Emo."

"Cutter."

"Depresso."

And way more harsh words. That I would go running home with my head stuffed in my pillow crying my heart out.

No one did something to help me. My parents, uncles and aunts would look at me with disappointment in their eyes. They were embarrassed to say I was related to them. Sometimes, when I was able to see I would sit in my bed and stare at my art on the wall and go through the mistakes I have done in my life and just break down crying.

I was a disappointment. No, I am a disappointment. I heard it with my own ears coming from my parents mouth. Once I turned eighteen I left school. I just dropped out after a week of year twelve. Why go school when I'm a disappointment to my parents. Why go to school and university to make my parents proud when they are not. I'm a disappointment and why should I try my hardest for no reason to make them proud?

My name is Miracle Lane and this is my story. Just wishing to have a normal life and have family who love me the way I am. I may not be the prettiest person with dark brown eyes, dark brown hair, pale skin that will remind you of a vampire and five foot three. I don't have dirty blonde hair, blue eyes and five foot eight like my mother and sisters. I look like my father and grandmother, my dads mum.