Fleur-de-lis

The Truth

Vanitas's p.o.v.

Our part in the parade was over and we were all preparing to head back to Gamorrah for a debriefing before heading home. Once Khalil took notice of me freaking out he got Rico to replace me on the pole while I had a full system shutdown inside the float. John had tried to figure out what was wrong but I hadn't said a word to him... I didn't know how. He was probably really worried.

We all climb out of the float so Bernie and Cal can take the decorations off and return the vehicle to the renters.

"Is this really were you ran off to, Van?" An all too familiar voice rings from behind.

I turn to face my younger brother while everyone else looks on in confusion.

"Oh no." I hear John say in realization.

"You really fell from grace hard, didn't you?" Azazel comments. "And I bet you've fooled yourself into thinking you're happy."

"Shut up!" John snaps. "One more word and-"

I throw my arm out to silence John so I could handle this myself. He's understanding as usual and gives an unsure nod.

"I'm sorry." I say.

"Pfft." Azazel scoffs.

"I'm not lying. If I knew how to tell you guys the truth from the begining, I would have."

"And what, pray tell, would the truth be?" Azazel asks.

"I've been unhappy for a real long time." I admit. "The more I realized how much pain and suffering we caused, the less I was content with my life as I knew it." I run my hands through my hair, trying not to let the guilt crush me. "And I know that I disappointed you all...being gay-"

"A fag!" Zel interrupts in a correcting tone.

"Gay, a fag, sodamite...semantics. The point is if I'm to live my life being who I am while you all want me to be what you want...then I'm doomed to disappoint you. So I'm sorry."

Azazel crosses his arms in apprehension, not willing to accept an apology alone. "If you were really sorry, you both would come back and let us help you."

I shake my head. "That wasn't help." "You don't know what I've been through...what I'm going through...and I'm sorry again but I pity you for it."

"Pity me?" Zel laughs. "Look at you. You're dressed up like Satan's whore. You're working as a whore. You're being worse than a whore."

"These people care about me. I feel more at home here. More loved." I say.

"Is that what you've convinced yourself of?" Azazel looks over to John. "I used to respect you. But how could you let him believe these things are okay?"

John give a pause before speaking. "Well...I think love is okay. Your brother makes me the happiest I've ever been. I feel like I could take on even the worst the world has to offer every time he smiles. Everything is worth that damn smile." John steps up beside me and takes my hand.

Azazel scrunches his nose in disgust. "You two really have turned into something heinous. If mom knew she'd probably give up on you." Zel shakes his head in disappointment and turns to leave.

"W-wait." I call. "Are you gonna tell her...about this?" I question.

"And break her heart again? I'm not as cruel as you." Azazel takes his leave.

John pulls me closer and wraps his arm around me to give me comfort, knowing that I was frustrated with how impossible it was to earn my family's understanding.

After a long silence...Aiden is the first to speak. "Not that it's my business, but...what the fuck was that about?"

"That was my younger brother." I say, ashamed.

"What's his problem?" Rico asks.

"It's...personal." I say.