Fleur-de-lis

Into the abyss: Side A

John's p.o.v.

It's been two months already but it still feels like yesterday...since Vanitas and I split up. The memory of him walking away occupied my mind whenever I had a moment to myself, playing over and over in my head as I hoped for a different ending. But I couldn't change the past.

"****?"

I just...wanted us to be able to leave all the pain behind and start a newer, happier life.

"Jo**?"

I couldn't understand why Van clung so tightly to his family. They had nothing good to offer him and would only bring him down in the end. I cut ties with my own parents for that very reason and never wanted to look back.

"John!?" Luca's voice finally breaks through the bubble of trauma I was just caught in. "Are you there, buddy?"

"Y-yeah, sorry. What's up?" I respond.

Luca had become something of a brother to me...not in the same way Van and I were, of course. Totally different, for sure. The bond between Van and I had been something else entirely. Luca and I
just looked out for eachother as one would do their siblings. Even though we weren't partners anymore and we each had our own apartments now, he'd still find the free time to check on me and hang out with me during our lunch breaks which I appreciated more than he knew.

"I was asking about how things were going with you and Logan?" Luca reiterates.

I scratch the back of my head awkwardly. "I don't know. Not even sure if things are going at all. He does his share of the work and everything but he just brushes me off any time I try to make conversation with him and never sticks around for long. Maybe he's just introverted."

"Maybe." Luca says. "But I've got a sneaking suspicion that he just doesn't trust coworkers."

'Can't imagine why.' I tell myself, sarcastically.

As my gaze trails away I notice a woman in an eye catching crimson dress chatting it up with other coworkers. She wore a white undershirt to cover up what would've been otherwise revealed by the cut of the dress. And she was...curvy. actually, she almost looked like she was sculpted by a greek artist. I imagine a tortured soul who might've spent his entire life trying to capture the image of the perfect woman, finally creating his masterpiece in the visage of her.

The snickering of Luca beckons my attention his way once more.

"...What?" I ask, wanting to be in on the joke.

"Dude, just go talk to her." He replies.

I furrow my brow in confusion. "Why?"

"I don't know, maybe because you're staring at her like a hungry puppy." Luca says sarcastically.

"What? It's not even like that." I assure.

"Oh really?"

"Really." I emphasize.

"And why would that be?" Luca prods.

I make a confused gesture. "I'm gay? I dated your wife's brother? How is that a question?"

"John." Luca commands my attention.

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever dated a girl?" Luca questions.

"Yeah." I answer.

"Done anything sexual?" He continues.

"I got head from a from a couple of girls in high-school." I say.

"How was that experience?"

I shrug my shoulders. "Fine. But that was all before Van."

Luca shakes his head. "You're missing the point. Let's start over." Luca thinks for a moment. "So. You like sex with dudes, right?"