If the baby were born, where would I be now?
Everything starts crashing down. The boxes. The questions in the boxes. The questions are gone. What's the point of asking? You ask someone older than you, wiser than you, and they answer. Now what? Maybe the wise person you asked will try to turn to someone older too, and their wise person will be gone.
Death. It's such an interesting thing.
Not a question, or suggestion, but a belief creeps up behind me and says,
"You're scared of dying, but you want to give up."
That doesn't sound right.
I'm still in my room as dad, (if that's what I should still call him) opens the door and asks, "Is everything ok?"
I look at him, my eyes big.
"Am I a replacement?"
He laughs "No! For what?" Then his face goes from happy to a face that's hard to describe. He doesn't smile. It almost looks like he's mad.
"Who told you?"
I'm scared of dying, but I wanna give up.
That still doesn't sound right.
"I know that I've been ado-"
"You know what I mean."
The reason.
"I'm going to ask again." He says, "Who told you?"
"He only told me because I asked! What was he supposed to do, keep quiet? Like you?"
"Was it Jack?"
"No! Why do you wanna know so badly?"
"Because we're dealing with enough already!"
"And you wanna make it worse by confronting him?"
"I'm not gonna confront him... or her? Please." He looks exhausted.
Just one question before I give him the answer.
"What are you gonna do if I tell you?"
"I don't know! I'll... just tell them not to do it again. No crazy stuff. Now can you tell me?"
"He left already."
"Uncle Ryan?"
"No."
"Okay. I'll talk with him later. Just no one thing: you are not a replacement. Whether you believe it or not, you are my daughter. Okay?"
The words that sound right. I found them. They creeped into my head.
"Okay."
"Do you need some time alone?"
I nod.
"Alright. I'll leave you be."
He closes the door.
I want to die, but I'm scared of giving up.
YOU ARE READING
Love, Winter (an AJR Fanfiction story)
FanfictionCan Winter's family be fixed? After huge secrets have been revealed, after many words that have been said, that are impossible to take back, all because of one lie... Can Winter's entire family..... stay a family?
