Always You |harry styles| - completed

SIXTEEN

One Direction: Why Don't We Go There

As soon as I landed I got into my rental car and drove to the first In'N'Out I could find. The line didn't take as long as I'd expected it to and I was on my way to Harry's place. The app said he was still at home, and I was relieved to see that there were no other cars parked in front. 'What if someone took an Uber', was my first thought coming out of my car, but I chased it away and punched in the four digit code for his front gate. I stood in front of the big wooden door for five minutes before Harry opened the door.

"Uhm... sorry, I was upstairs in the studio and didn't hear the door. Come in. What are you doing in L.A., teacup?", he was surprised to see me, but there was a warm smile playing on his lips when he led me into his kitchen.

"Before we eat and before you say anything, I'd like to say what's on my mind, please.", I got two wine glasses out of a cupboard and an open bottle of a pinot noir from his fridge. He just nodded and poured us the wine.

"Here it goes... I know you must be so confused after New York; I am too. Well, in a different way since I actually made the mess that's got you confused. My point is, I'm sorry for running away. I didn't mean to, but it's a force of habit. Maybe I shouldn't have kissed you, but it felt like the right thing to do in that moment, and for the first time in forever I didn't shy away from doing what felt right. But then, I knew there was no taking it back, what was done was done, and I didn't really know how you would feel about the kiss or the gesture. What I'm trying to say is that I'm terribly afraid of rejection and usually don't do things like that out of fear. So I pulled back into my shell and clammed up. I was afraid I'd ruined things in the friendship department for us. I'm still afraid of that, if I'm being completely honest. I had a long talk with Josh 'bout it all and he told me what I already knew... that I had to make things right and come talk to you. So I booked a flight, rearranged some stuff with work and came as soon as possible. I didn't want to tell you I was coming, which was perhaps a wrong move, judging by your face now... but it had to be done. This all boils down to: I am sorry I didn't react properly to my own doing, I'm not sorry I kissed you, but I can't tell you what I want or where this is going, if there even is a this.", he took another sip of wine before stepping off his barstool and standing in front of me. 'Please, don't kiss me now, that's not what we need', I kept thinking to myself and as if he read my mind, he hugged me. His chin rested on top of my head; we must've stood like that for five minutes straight. He grabbed my pack of cigarettes out of my bag and opened the big door to the terrace for us. If this required me to smoke, and he knew it, it couldn't be good.

"First of all, I would never reject you. That being said, I too, don't know where this is going or what this is. There's something here, I noticed it the first time I met you. Every time we hung out after that, all the calls and the texts and the silly videos... just made me want to figure you out more. At first I was okay being your friend, I even convinced myself that the New York surprise was a friendly gesture. After the concert I realized that some feelings were starting to awaken in me. I didn't know what they were and I was trying to figure them out on my own, well... that was my plan. I wanted to kiss you and hold you and make love to you, I just didn't want to do that without getting my thoughts and feelings straight. I wasn't mad that you kissed me, a bit surprised maybe. I wasn't and I am still not mad you clammed up afterwards, because I fully expected that to happen. I figured out that part about you... I knew you needed time to think things through and that you'd eventually call or facetime me. I didn't expect you to come to L.A., but I'm very happy you're here.", it took me a while to process what he said and what he meant.

"Okay. I guess we're kind of on the same page...ish. Where do we go from here? That's what worries me most. I don't ever want to lose you because you've made my life richer and you've made me a better person. What do we do now?", we were sprawled across the patio furniture, our legs a tangled mess in the middle of the couch and our eyes searching for answers and proof that this was all real and worth it.

"Teacup, you are not going to lose me, whatever happens. I think the best thing we can do is take it one day at a time. Do whatever feels right. If we want to kiss, we kiss, if we want to hold hands we do it, if we want to have sex than we have sex. The important thing is that we're in it together, that we continue to grow as friends and that we remain honest and open about our feelings. I know that last bit is probably going to be quite hard for you, but I need you to tell me what you are feeling when you are feeling it, love. It will not work otherwise.", Harry took both my hands into his and rubbed circles on my knuckles. I stared into that man's eyes and saw the entire universe, that's why I was so afraid. I saw everything we could be for each other, and every time he blinked I saw how quickly it could all go away. I wanted that, all of it, but I was too afraid we would mess it up. I didn't want him to know that, not after all the careful explaining we'd been through and once we'd finally made a decision on how to proceed with this odd relationship we were in. 

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A/N: It's short, I know. What did you think of the way they handled the situation? I imagine having that talk with Harry would go something like that, he seems super understanding, tbh. 

TPWK, always.

You gotta vote just because of the 1D song! I don't make the rules...

T