Before I Let You Go || Seonghwa x reader✓

12

Chapter 12 - Morning flowers

Loud knocks echo through my house and pull me away from my computer screen. It's barely 9:00 in the morning and I'm not expecting anyone.

I'm not gonna lie, after the confrontation, I've felt...better. I've slept more soundly, I haven't cried as much, and I'm looking forward to see how Seonghwa is going to make all this up.

I know I'm reaching far, but I'm desperate. His good morning and good night texts proceeding the confrontation give me an uncomfortable knot in my stomach.

He wouldn't be doing this if he didn't get caught.

This isn't good for either of us.

But I'm giving him this chance.

Because a part of me wants this to work out.

Because I'm still in love with him.

So you could only imagine my surprised expression once I open the door; my boyfriend is holding a bouquet of flowers with a timid smile on.

"Hey." His voice carries a softness to it.

"Hey." I reply. There it is. The uncomfortable knot in my stomach. I step back and open the door, welcoming him inside.

I close the door after him and give him an awkward smile. He sticks out his arm and motions toward the flowers. "Here, I got them for you. It's not much but it's a start."

I swallow and nod. I gingerly grab them and thank him before walking to the kitchen in small steps; Seonghwa not trailing too far behind.

As a courtesy, I stick them in a vase and leave it to reside in the middle of the island counter. It looks alone amongst the blandness of the kitchen, and I find my self relating to it on a weird level.

"I was thinking that maybe we could go to the beach today?" He rubs the back of his next nervously, avoiding eye contact.

I know he's trying. He should have tried before the affair.

But this is his only chance. So I will be fair.

"Sure. That would be nice."

His eyes light up in untamed excitement.

On the way to the beach, he tries to initiate small talk. It works for the most part, but it's almost as if two newly met people are trying to bond based on knowing a few facts about each other.

He's trying to make it like how it was before. And I know he's very aware of the fact that I'm struggling with my responses; after all, I'm still trying to heal.

Though he tries to hide it, I can see it. He's also very aware of the fact that the chances of us going back to normal are slim.

And when we arrive at the beach, could you guess if anything interesting happened? Probably not. Because nothing interesting did happen. Conversations were bland, the weather was bland, everything just seemed bland.

The most to bonding we got close to was holding hands as we walked along the shore in silence. He didn't like the lack of communication. He doesn't like the fact that I'm distancing myself. Even as he held my hand, I was able to pick up on his frustration and neediness.

That visit was short lived, and we found ourselves back at my house shortly after.

But could you guess if anything interesting happens here? Probably. He's currently trying to get in my pants.

I push him away before it gets too far.

The look in his eyes are not longer lustful and needy. They're fucking desperate. Desperate for my touch, my affection, my love, me.

Oh how the tables have turned, Seonghwa.

"I-Im sorry, I just can't right now. I'm not ready..." I stutter. I know I look like a blushing mess, but I'm truly not ready. Knowing he wants to do something with me - something that should have only been with me - yet he had done that same thing with Sana is wounding. I don't think I'd be able to last the whole way through without pushing him off with tears in my eyes.

He takes in a sharp breath and closes his eyes. He's disappointed.

But oh well.

I've been disappointed too.

"I know. I get it, don't worry. Take your time."

He spends only an hour longer at my home before leaving.

I know he's needy. He has pent up frustration he needs to take care of, and it got the best of him.

I admired you for being able to admit that you fucked up.

I admired the fact that you wanted to make up for it.

But at this point, I couldn't tell if you loved me or just felt bad about the whole thing.

But you knew I still loved you, and you used that to your advantage.