Before I Let You Go || Seonghwa x reader✓

17

Chapter 17 - I know

It's been a month since I've spoken to Seonghwa. And it's been a long month at that.

I feel better.

I really do.

Sana is officially out of my life, but in the end, we cleared what we could up. That's all we can do, right?

Hyejin and Wooyoung were sure to cut her out completely as well. I don't think they'd understand how much I appreciate their loyalty to me. And the wide smiles on their faces once they found out Sana left my home without any intentions of reaching out again proved it.

"You look...happier, Y/n." Wooyoung beams at me as we lounge in my bedroom with Hyejin.

"I do?" I barely hold back a smile. He's right. I feel a lot more happier than I did yesterday, and certainly more from the day before that. "Not as happy as you though. That little date you went on last night. Wow. Talk about a night of passion." I smirk and Hyejin laughs.

His face immediately turns fifty shades of red and he pouts. "Hey! It's was...nice."

"Nice? Y/n and I didn't even know you and your little date were coming back to your place. A heads up would have been cool, cause then we could have left before y'all got down and dirty." Hyejin teases.

I nod in agreement. "Those lewd sounds-oh my god- please seek Jesus."

They both laugh in response and I notice the look of relief wash over their features as I laugh with them. Their eyes sparkle in a way I wished Seonghwa's would do when he looks at me.

"

Yep." Hyejin smiles in return, leaning on her hand. "It's good to see you happy." Woo agrees.

I shrug. "I don't know...I guess it's the break that's helping me clear my mind. So maybe it's something."

And in an instant, they both frown.

"Doesn't this pass as a hint that maybe you should get out of this relationship? Like, asap?" Hyejin asks again. I've heard this question so many times for the past few months.

"Yeah, if you're happier when he's not around...that means something, right?" Wooyoung raises an eyebrow. He rests a gentle hand on my knee and gazes into my eyes.

I look away and clench my eyes shut.

Ugh. Wow. That's was probably the quickest the atmosphere has shifted.

But as I look at both of my best friends, something urges me to admit it.

Admit it all...

Admit everything I've been afraid to face.

Because I feel ready. And I know they have been ready for longer than me.

No matter what, they both have stayed with me. Through thick and thin; no matter how stubborn or irrational I may be. Together, Wooyoung and Hyejin are wiser than anyone I'll ever know. They stand tall and proud on my right shoulder - giving grand guidance - and Seonghwa and Sana stand on my left one.

And they quickly notice me facial expression is emotionally pained. I open my mouth, but close it. They know I want to say something.

"It's okay, just get it out when you can..." Wooyoung tires to comfort.

I take a deep breathe in.

Knowing this is the truth hurts more once it's said out loud. I just don't want to even vocalize it in the slightest.

But I owe it to myself and I owe it to my friends. Because once it's said, it'll become my reality and the recognition I need.
I swallow harshly and suppress the feeling of crying for the nth time. My breathing is shaky, and I can't even look at Hyejin and Wooyoung straight on as I say it.

"...I know he doesn't love me anymore..." I croak out, my voice breaking. I nod my head up and down, almost forcing myself to agree with my words. "I know it...I know it..."

A stray tear does escape. But it's not in vein.

My best friends look at each other, then look back at me. "Does that mean you've made a decision yet?"

Oh what I would do to live a happily ever after.

I wonder what another timeline looks like for us.

Would it be better? Or worse?

Because I'd like to believe this is our darker timeline.