Before I Let You Go || Seonghwa x reader✓

8

Chapter 8 - We haven't spoken

It's been a week and a half since Seonghwa and I have spoken. Yes, I've been counting. Every passing second makes me ache and clench in unbearable pain. How is it possible to want to be next to him, yet want to be so far away after what he's done?

I have no idea what to do. My thoughts are in shambles while my life seems to correspond with that pretty well.

I've been texting the group chat constantly.

Right now Hyejin and Wooyoung are the only ones who know. And I've begged them, I mean begged them not to say anything - scratch that - confront anybody about the situation as a whole. They were reluctant, of course, but they saw how much of a mess I looked and said yes to ease my concern.

That's another thing I'm not sure why I'm doing it. They're just trying to help. But I'd rather no one got involved. I want to fix this. Me. No one else.

This is my problem.

I don't even want Sana to know.

Although she is one of my best friends, she is not the kind of person I'd run and tell all my troubles to.

Everyone wants her, and I know it would fuel her ego knowing that I got cheated on. But that's just her and her personality. I can't change that.

I also can't deal with Sana trying to make light of the situation, so we all agreed it would be better if she were the last one to know.

Especially since she is battling her own demons. And by that I mean a guy she has been seeing on and off just officially broke things off with her today. So yeah.

That's pretty much what our group chat looks like right now.

It gets my mind off of Seonghwa for a minute as I try and think about Sana and her mystery man.

I say mystery because it's never gotten to a point where she's in a steady relationship, therefore the friends can never meet the unlucky man.

Simply put, she puts out easily.

But her confidence is what attracted me in the first place. Sana is one of the easier people to talk to about life in general, just not the deep shit.

Hyejin and Wooyoung know that very well.

Suddenly, I get a FaceTime call from Hyejin.

I purse my lips and consider blatantly ignoring it, but I know she wouldn't get the message and would be offended. After all, I know she just wants to check up on me and I appreciate it very much.

I sigh and accept the call and quickly exit off and go back to the group chat, resulting in a pause screen on her end.

"Y/n...let me see your face." Her gentle voice calls out.

"No. I am a mess."

She chooses not to pursue in an argument over nothing. Instead, she heads in a different direction. "Can you at least tell me how you're doing?"

I let out a breath. "Well, I haven't cried for three days. So I'm doing better."

"...Better as in you haven't cried because you're getting over him? Or better as in you haven't cried because you ran out of strength to even allow yourself the luxury to mourn over that awful man???"

I refuse to answer.

She lets out a sad and audible sigh, but doesn't question me further. After a few minutes of silence - us responding to the group chat simultaneously - she speaks once again.

"Sana is lowkey pissing me off."

"Why?"

"She makes it seem like being wanted is a bad thing. And like, she's a narcissist on top of it. Don't get me wrong, I love her and all, but that nutcase is hard to handle all at once haha."

I chuckle slightly. "Don't worry I getcha."

"...Why don't all of us hang out soon? We can always head to an arcade or even the mall. I think it'll benefit all of us."

I ponder the suggestion for a brief moment, immediately deciding that instead of being depressed in my home, I'll be depressed while hanging out with my friends. "I'm hella down."

"Tight."

I doubt you understood how I felt.

I doubt you even tried to understand.

Do you even feel guilty, Seonghwa?

How long would you have gone on for?

You probably don't even have an answer either.

It's very apparent how differently we both view the concept of love.

Love is the beauty of the soul...but Seonghwa, there's nothing beautiful about yours.