Finding myself

Chapter 60

Blaze POV

I sat on my seat, feeling quite agitated and nervous.

Where is she?

This is taking so long.

What's wrong with that kid. Why is he holding her up for so long? I can see how children can come between mates and why some mates choose to never have kids.

Maybe I should go check on them. No, she wouldn't like that.

Maybe I should spy on them, check to see if everything is fine.

It's been so long, I check my watch to see how much time has passed.

3 minutes!

3 MINUTES!!!

Jesus Blaze you are becoming such a wuss.

I am even contemplating creeping by the bus just to make sure she is within range.

I look out the window at the tiny figure of the bus impatiently. She is there, Blaze. I told myself.

She is right there.

Xavier smirked.

The only subject he deemed to give me a response was Zara.

Zara.

My stubborn wildcat. I wanted her to acknowledge me. Even a smirk. That seemed to be our thing.

But she was ignoring me nowadays. She seemed to see right though me, like I was air. And when everyone was around, she hardly even looked my way.

She was much calmer these days. Like she has settled in quite a bit.

But it was driving Xavier and I insane. I tried ignoring her back this entire trip to get a response out of her but she seems to be completely fine with that. In fact she didn't seem to care one bit. Does she truly no longer see me as her mate? A partner? At least a potential partner? Is this what rejection feels? To have someone genuinely not give a damn about you?

I remembered the time I stood at the front of her door. Ready to knock just to get her to look at me. And not treat me like some sort of extra in the background. But in the end I didn't. What would I say if I did? What would she see me as? She knew I was there and yet she didn't respond.

Girls I knew would have giggled or laughed or had some sort of reaction. At least the next day there should have been some sort of response but, again she completely ignored me in the hallways. To the point it almost felt like she couldn't even sense my presence there anymore in the crowds.

At least, not the way I sought her out. I didn't feel like I was special to her in any way. Like I used to be once when I felt so secretly entitled under her gaze.

That realisation hit me hard.

I could imagine her blank face staring the door waiting for me to knock. Her sharp feline eyes that contrasted so beautifully against her soft angel like features, fixated on the door, waiting for me. There wasn't even an increased heart rate or elevated breathing. Not a slight change of pulse or even a hint of sweat in the air. The little demon was so confident that she could take me if I came at her. It attracted me even more to her. Her painful nonchalance.

At any given time I couldn't tell what she was thinking. Her control scares me, especially over her wild card of a wolf.

It was a hard pill to swallow what I meant to her. To feel so tiny in front her. Knowing that she doesn't give a damn. It was worse than anger and hatred. It meant I wasn't even worthy of her attention, energy or time. The fact she could live her life so peacefully almost blissfully without me. She had genuine fun with her group while all I didn't was pine for her.