Finding myself

Chapter 31

Blaze POV

One of the moments I love the most is when I wake up- with Jem in my arms. Then there would be the cheerful birds chirping through the window and sunlight slicing through the partially closed curtains.

But then it will all come crashing back to me- my alpha duties, the stress of studying multiple courses at once, the impending coronation that officially announces me as the king, the vampire threat and even Jem's acceptance as the queen. But most of all, I see her face.

She makes me feel like the actual villain in this story. The guilt I felt every single day since I rejected her is eating me up alive. Her tearful face, masked with betrayal comes to my mind and for a moment I just feel... like maybe she doesn't deserve it. She deserves better than me.

Jem was actually worth the sacrifice of a mate given to me by some hypothetical goddess. I didn't disregard the goddess per se. It is hard to believe such an all too powerful creature. I believe in some supreme power, yes. But something about a goddess just doesn't sit well with me.

The thought of Zara makes me feel like banging my head against the wall- especially when I wake up. The plunge from total bliss to such deep regret feels like getting a whiplash. It recedes when Jem stirs though.

"Blaze, all the alphas are gathered for the meeting. They are waiting for you." Alpha Dex strolled into the room. I placed the pen down and rubbed my eyes.

"Is Jem there yet?" I asked.

It is important that they understand who the queen is here.

He nodded, his warm brown eyes skimming through the papers on my desk. Mostly pack information like population, crime rate and all.

His warm brown eyes met mine. And the smile gave me all the reassurance I needed.

Dex was a better father figure to me than my dad ever was. Ever since it was confirmed that I was the king, he became power obsessed. Took it as his chance to take some personal grudge on them or something. I wouldn't know.

Dex was not only my teacher, he was someone I mostly opened up to. Not like best buds or anything, but a healthy teacher-student relationship. His wife was also especially kind. I always felt welcome there, not like I was obligated to be perfect since I was going to be the king and all.

"I still don't get the point of this arrangement. Why do the alphas have to be present when I talk to their pack members? I thought I had sole control over that." I said irritatedly.

"Well for starters, it establishes a good relationship with you and the other alphas." He said with a smile.

Alpha Dex was the one who brought up the idea that whenever I held a meeting with the pack members in the city, I invite them too. My father didn't think it was that bad, considering it would give better alliances. I don't have an opinion on this matter. And I do trust Dex.

Next month is my coronation and I hardly feel anywhere near ready.

Besides he is an alpha. He must know how they think.

"The illusion that I put them into to make them think they have some power over their pack members in the city?" I asked with a lighthearted chuckle.

"It is not a complete illusion." He pointed out.

I sighed getting off of the chair.

"All the systems are set?"

Dex nodded.

"Are they treating Jem right?"

Dex kept his usually calm composure before replying

"They are not fully against it. Though her inability to shift might be a huge deciding factor."