Finding myself

Chapter 99

Zara POV

Zian was going berserk within me. She couldn't believe his audacity. I had to use everything to rein her in as my past trauma resurfaced. I moaned in pain as Blaze left stiffly, leaving the door shut behind him.

I mumbled to myself trying to calm Zian down. I didn't know which was up or down, or right or wrong in my mind. Everything was chaotic. She wouldn't listen, she wanted to go after him right now. She wanted him dead. And I shared the sentiment, but we didn't have the strength right now. And even if we didn't mark him back and it wasn't complete, if one of us died, the other would too. There was no way out of this.

And the bastard knew it all too well when he was doing it. I growled at the thought.

Blaze knew if he stayed any longer my tight leash on Zian would 'accidentally loosen and he would have a fight to deal with.

So he left, but Zian never did, making me angry and hormonal. Making me want to rip things out to shreds, destroy the entire room. Hell, I was growling at nothing half the time.

I stayed in a permeant half-shifted form with my nails digging into my palm, half the control with my wolf. And I didn't mind. Even when she destroyed the room and even the toilet too. The beautiful velvet and satin sheets were torn to shreds, the expensive wood broken down from the middle for the bed and shelves. The little crystals for the chandelier were strewn across the room. I didn't even know when I had done this much damage. I let her do anything she wanted. As long as I got time to rest and put everything back in order.

This time when the monster came. I let it take me, engulf me in its rage and grief. It was beyond the grief of Nova and Grandma now. In fact, even that fuelled my rage. I wanted to rip his eyes out. I finally understood what this monster was. It was rage for every injustice that had been done to me. It was defining me. It was self-love. That rage for me was the part of me that loved me.

And so I let it run amok within me.

The gang hand my parents had come down and tried to talk to me but I just growled at them, they let it happen too. What was the use of their sadness and pity now? My mom especially tried hard to feed me and change my bandages. Especially the mark Blaze left. But I ignored her advances. Hell even Zarine was ignored.

I didn't want anything now other than his death.

Raven had tried to visit me as soon as Blaze had left but the guards outside wouldn't allow her. It was as if she knew that something was wrong on my end. Before everyone else. But she had turned away like everyone else. She didn't try after that. Probably afraid of agitating Blaze any further.

Now that Blaze has marked me, it was easier for him to see my emotions. No matter how I blocked him out he will always have an understanding of my emotions. That grated on my nerves, How had I let things get this bad?

After three more days, Blaze finally visited. I almost lunged for him the moment I saw him, the moment his scent hit me. Hell, I knew it was him when I heard his footsteps coming in through the hallway.

But I controlled myself. Not yet Zara. This bastard deserves a painful defeat. Not with the strength, I can muster up when I am bleeding and starving.

He looked at me with concern but didn't dare come close to me.

Behind him, Zarine appeared with a plate of food again. He was trying to feed me through Zarine again. I growled at Zarine in warning and he scampered out the door immediately.

Blaze sighed. He looked haggard, worse than me if possible. That satisfied me. To know he had at least suffered to a small degree for what he did.

His eyes met mine again, this time the concern replaced with determination.