Conflicted (Boyxboy)

128

"Hey, I understand. That is exactly what I used to do. You just freeze. I get it."

"But that's not good enough. You were in danger, and I just...let it happen."

"Hey, I wouldn't have even had the courage to turn up if I was in your position."

"...I'm sorry. I care about you, of course I do. And I wanted to protect you. But I couldn't...I wasn't strong enough."

He didn't say anything else, just made sniffling noises.

Wait, is he crying?

"Luca, seriously, it's okay!"

He's adorable, but that's concerning.

"Do you really think it's okay? Are you okay right now? In your state?"

"Well, I mean, I could be dead."

"Great. Well I probably would have let that happen as well."

"Luca..." I huffed. "It's not your job to protect me."

"It wasn't Aaron's either but he managed."

"Are you seriously comparing yourself or something? Besides, the only difference was opportunity."

"I don't think so, I'm pretty sure I would have frozen in that position as well."

"There's no way of knowing what you would have done."

"No...only what did happen. And what did happen is that I failed you."

"As I said, not your job!"

"But you won't forget it."

"Rude, are you saying I'm judging you for it?"

"Not consciously."

"Wow. Well, I'm judging for this, right now."

"Not the bad kind of judging. You'll just remember that when it comes down to it, I'm not going to protect you. I'm not good enough for you."

"Luca, honestly..." I didn't really know what to say. "We're just going in circles. And you don't have to be 'good enough for me'?  "

"You know what I mean..."

"Why is that so important to you?"

"Do you really want me to say it again."

Right...

"I'm sorry, Luca." I sighed, not quite knowing what I meant by that.

He stayed silent for a while, contemplating something.

I jumped slightly when he gently grabbed my hand, then gripped him firmly back.

"Thank you Riley, for being so patient with me. And... forgiving me, over and over again. When you shouldn't have. I've crossed the line...so many times. You're right, I'm selfish, and unstable. And a control freak. And I'm not good enough for you. You deserve someone better. So I won't get in the way."

I frowned as he spoke, shaking my head slightly.

"That's not right." I complained, tensing up when he suddenly stood.

He leaned over me, before gently pressing his lips against mine.

I stayed still, until he moved away.

"See you later Riley."

"Luca, don't go." I complained, but heard his footsteps retreating. "Luca!"

Nothing.

"Luca! Seriously!" I shouted in irritation.

What the fuck.