The Arch of Love ~ Paul McCartney

35. Ho hey

Notting Hill, 16 September '67, 6:25 AM

I was freezing my back off. It appeared I was lying in the artic and my back was fully exposed to the cold wind. But for some unknown reason I was cuddling a heater.

I was vaguely aware of what had happened last night and of our last words before I fell asleep. I was also aware that I meant every word I had said. I had fallen in love with Paul, even though I wasn't supposed to.

But that he loved me too, that I couldn't comprehend. If he did love me, then why was he still with Jane? Why was he still refusing to break up with her?

I woke before my alarm went off, but didn't stir until the clock started ringing. Not that I could move. I was wrapped around Paul in a way that made it impossible for me to leave the bed without him letting me go. It was hard to know which limbs were mine and which were his.

I closed my eyes again, savouring the moment. I was lying in bed with the man that I loved, starkers naked next to me. We were cuddling in a way that was more intimate than I had ever experienced with anyone. This was exactly where I wanted to be, even if I was freezing.

My alarm had different plans, however as it suddenly started ringing very loudly.

Paul shot up, disorientated, but when he saw me, he recovered quickly. 'Good morning, love,' he said, his voice croaky with sleep.

I smiled up at him, barely able to open my eyes. 'Morning,' I whispered back, still lying under the covers.

'What time is it? It's bloody early,' he complained, lying back down. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to him.

'Must be 6.30,' I answered without actually moving. To the contrary, I cuddled right back into his arms.

It was quiet for a bit. So long and quiet that I thought he had fallen back asleep, until he spoke. 'What time do you've got to be at work?' he asked, even though I had told him last night.

'Eight,' I groaned. I didn't want to move, but it seemed that I didn't really have a choice. 'What about you? What do you have going on today?'

'Not much,' he answered. 'I've got to be in the studio by seven and it's probably going to be a late one.' He sighed deeply.

'Oh, that's a pity. I'm at work until six,' I realised. If I had to work until six and he was expected at the studio at seven, there was no way would could meet each other.

He seemed to have a different idea, though. 'You could come to my place,' he suggested. 'Have a quick bite together before I'm off?'

'You sure that's okay?' I asked, unsure. I hadn't been back to his place since we got back together. Sure, I had been to his house plenty of times, but that was before. It was before I had pulled the plug. Somehow it felt different now. It felt like I wasn't supposed to come there anymore. Too personal.

'Definitely!' Paul promised, without skipping a bit. He didn't seem to realise my discomfort. Instead he started stroking my bare shoulder; the result of last night's activities. 'Jane's gone until next month. You could stay over at mine until then?'

'Are you sure? I don't know.' I held back. I really wanted to, but I didn't know if that was a good idea.

'Hey, look at me,' he said, moving my head with his free hand so that I was facing him. 'You don't have to, if you don't want to. I'm not forcing you,' he smiled promising. There was a softness in his eyes that I hadn't expected. He was fond and caring and kind and he was here with me.

'I just want to know for sure that it's what you want. That it's me you want.' The words were out before I realised it, but when they were, I grasped that it was what needed to be asked. It was what I needed to hear. Was he really in it?