The Arch of Love ~ Paul McCartney

30. Honesty

Liverpool, 22 August '67, 8:09 AM

Ritchie had come through and had managed to get me an extra day off work. I had no clue how he had managed to do that, but I had an inkling that it had something to do with him being in a certain rock 'n roll band.

With the extra day off, I was able to drive up to Liverpool for the entire weekend instead of just on Pa's birthday. Maggie had stayed over the night before, so we could leave for Liverpool early in the morning. After saying goodbye to a grumpy Fran who thought it was too early, we set off in my little car.

I hadn't actually driven it since I had given Paul a lift down from our hometown and neither had Fran. As soon as I had opened the door, the musky smell that I had come to known as his, made its way into my nostrils, taking me by surprise. It surprised me how familiar it still felt, even if I hadn't seen him in nearly two months, but somehow it felt like I had just closed the door on him and everything was as it had been.

Luckily it was already warm enough to open the windows, despite it being rather early in the morning. Maggie didn't complain when I rolled mine down and the cool morning air filled up the car. No, to the contrary, she actually opened her window too.

We drove in silence for the most part, letting the music fill up the small space. This time I wasn't alone in turning down the volume when the disk jockey decided to play another Beatles song. Maggie was quicker with reaching for the dial. Apparently there was a good thing about your sister knowing that you had had an affair with a musician; she was there to protect you. It wasn't until we were well on our way, having left the outer-most suburbs of London long behind us, that she started speaking.

'Archie, what happened with him?' she asked, not daring to speak his name, something I was quite glad about. It was one thing to think his name, but I didn't need to hear it.

I sighed. 'I really don't want to talk about it,' I said, keeping my eyes on the road.

'I know you don't. You haven't been wanting to talk for weeks now, but I think you should. What happened when he came over?' she pushed on.

'Mags, can't you just let it go? It was bad enough that you invited him over in the first place,' I sneered. Unnecessary. I silently scolded myself for taking it out on my sister. Sure, she had been the one to invite him over. But then again, she hadn't even known that he was the guy I had been sleeping with.

'I apologised for that!' she let out, exasperated, but the continued much quieter. 'I'm sorry about that, but I really didn't know.'

'I know, I'm sorry. It's not your fault. It's my stupid fault to get caught up with him in the first place,' I said softly, hoping she would let it go now.

She didn't. 'But what happened? And what changed? Why are you sad again?'

'I'm not sad, okay!' It came out louder than intended, but I was the one that was frustrated now. 'He came over that night, just like you said he would. We talked and he tried to apologise, but I wouldn't let him. I showed him the door again and that was it.'

'But that was weeks ago. You had been doing fine since, so what changed? Did he show up again? Is he stalking you?' she pushed on, wanting more answers than I was really willing to give.

'No, he isn't. I haven't seen him since. Jeez, Mags. Can't you just let it go?' I tried again, but she just shook her head.

'No, Archie, I can't. Fran might be someone that doesn't push on, but I'm your sister. You need to be pushed on this, because you can't bottle it up. Tell me what happened!' she continued to push me.

Maybe she did have a point. My talk with Ritchie had left me confused about mine and Paul's feelings. I didn't want to think about either, but I also couldn't ignore it. There were thoughts lingering and I had been able to push them to a dark corner before, but somehow Ritchie had managed to light the place on fire. There were no more dark corners and these thoughts were now screaming to be heard.