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72: I am to blame
RYU
I paced back and forth feeling uneasy and all. Wala akong pakialam sa dugo na nasa damit at kamay ko. My mind is only fixed to a certain thing- and that’s the safety of my wife and unborn.
Ilang beses kong sinisi ang sarili ko. Why the hell did I have the guts to leave my six-month pregnant wife at home? Anong nakain ko at pinili kong umalis without knowing what will happen to them? How the fuck did I have the courage to ignore my family’s safety?! if only I didn’t leave the house, Pi wouldn’t leave and go somewhere too. If only I didn’t leave the house, there would be no risk like this. We should have stayed cuddled in bed and wait for the fucking morning to do something worthwhile like shop for infant clothes and toys, or I could help Pi with her stretching or just stay in her sight because I know how much she loves to stare at me, blurt out her horny thoughts and fucking praise how I look so good!
This is definitely my fault.
I did something stupid, what the hell is wrong with me?
“Kumalma ka Apollo,” narinig kong sabi sa akin ni Poseidon. I didn’t waste energy to look at him and continued pacing back and forth the hall with my knuckles tightly closed. “Your pacing would do no good, hintayin na lamang natin na lumabas ang doktor.”
This somewhat made me realize he’s right. Bahagya akong tumigil at pabagsak na umupo, burying my face on my palms. “This is my fault.”
“Blaming would also do no good,” sabi niya.
I sighed in utter agony. Kahit pa wala ng magbabago kahit sisihin ko man ang sarili ay hindi ko pa rin maiwasang kamuhian ang sarili ko. I was a fucking idiot for leaving my wife alone. Whatever happened tonight is all my fault. I am to blame for all of this.
“Mnemosyne called at sinabing okay na ang daddy mo, he just suffered too much broken bones but he’s still breathing,” dagdag ni Poseidon.
Mahinang tumango ako, feeling a little weight lift off my chest. At least, now my father’s safe. Alam kong kapag namatay siya ay hindi iyon kakayanin ni mommy. I can bear all suffering but not the thought of seeing my mom fucking suffer over something. Kung pwede lamang na lahat ng problemang papasanin ay ay maipasa sa akin ay gagawin ko.
“That’s good to hear,” sabi ko.
“Flavio’s dead by the way,” sabi niya ulit.
“That’s even better to hear,” I gritted my teeth as I said every word. It’s a shame he died in an instant. Sana pala ay pinagdusa ko muna siya. I would have let him suffer hell for messing with me.
“They already cleared the place bago pa mag-imbestiga ang mga pulis.”
Wala na akong pakialam sa iba pang mga bagay. Who cares if the police will find out about what’s hidden in the Morrison mansion? I only wish for three things, my wife and child’s safety, my dad’s recovery and Flavio’s death.
Bumukas ang salamin na pinto at lumabas ang doktor mula roon. I stood as fast as light upang salubungin siya.
“How’s my wife?”
The doctor looked at me sadly bago huminga nang malalim. Tila nag-aalangan pa siya sa kanyang sasabihin and I have a thin thread of patience, a thing he didn’t know.
With a swift movement, he was flew towards the nearest wall as I grabbed him. “How is my wife?!”
Napansin ko ang pagbuntong-hininga ni Poseidon sabay iling. Rumehistro ang takot sa mukha ng doktor at tila naghahanap pa ng tulong sa paligid. “Sir--”
Mas diniinan ko ang pagkakahawak sa balikat niya, I know anytime his bones may crack but that’s least of my concerns now.
“There are people around Apollo,” paalala sa akin ni Poseidon.
Do I care?
Absolutely no.
Nanginginig na umiling ang doktor.
What the hell...
“I’m... s-sorry sir but we can only save one.”
Lumuwag ang pagkakahawak ko sa kanya at hindi makapaniwalang umatras.
“Anong ibig mong sabihin?” halos hindi ko makapaniwalang tanong.
Inayos ng doktor ang kanyang suot na coat. “Your wife suffered from a major physical trauma, probably a direct blow on her abdomen that caused placental abruption, which results to deprivation of oxygen to the fetus. Hindi ko alam kung anong klaseng physical trauma ang ang naranasan niya but... this is very serious which caused all the complications and means a fatal consequences to both the mother and the baby.”
Hindi ko na naintindihan pa ang iba niyang sinabi. Ilang mga salita lamang ang rumehistro sa utak ko at iisang konklusyon ang nabuo.
It just means I am losing one of them.
I do not know how to feel or how to react until I felt Poseidon tapped my back at tila saka lamang ako naging aware sa paligid ko. I felt hot liquids running down my cheeks and they won’t stopped no matter how I tried to stop them.
“Sir... your baby can undergo pre-term delivery or we can save your wife, you have to decide,” pukaw sa akin ng doktor.
“Can’t you fucking save both of them?!” I shouted hysterically.
Bahagya lamang yumuko ang dotor sabay iling. “This is a crucial decision you have to make sir. Delaying your decision may cause losing both kaya kailangan n’yong magpasya. If we try to save both of them, we cannot guarantee--”
“Don’t ever try to say that!” nanginginig na sabi ko sa kanya, grabbing again his collar. Poseidon mediated the situation by puling me away from the doctor at kalamadong hinarap ako.
“Decide now Ryu,” sabi niya. He knew this matter is serious since he stopped calling me Apollo and used my name instead. “Tama ang doktor, just clear your mind and decide.”
I felt a shudder rip through me as I cleared my mind to decide. I sucked my breathe as heavy as I could as I made a decision.
