per·sua·sion

21.

Hero

We decide on me before you. I haven't seen it, but Jess says it's pretty good, so I'll give it a chance. I did push her to watch IT once. So I owe her this if I'm honest.

We would do movie nights sometimes while I was in Atlanta. I convinced her because, honestly, we have watched scarier movies, or at least I thought so.

"Tiffin, if I dream about clowns, I'm kicking your ass."

"if I get to see you, I'll happily let you." I can almost picture her rolling her eyes as I'm saying this, which makes me lightly smile.

****

"I am never watching that again; it sucked; that clown completely sucks!"

"It wasn't that bad, Jess" I can't help but laugh at her choice of words.

"Hero, it's not funny.." she wines, but I can also hear the panic rising in her voice.

Baby, nothing is going to happen to you; it's just a movie," I say softly, trying to comfort her.

Will you stay on the phone with me till I fall asleep?"

"of course."

****

Halfway through the movie, I look down at her, so beautiful, so focused.

"Watch the movie Tiffin" she smirks, not looking up.

"I don't know. I think I like this view better," she smiles.

"You promised," she says, looking up at me. "No distractions."

"Did I?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Yes, so behave."

"Fine," I pout.

I can't help but wonder if this is how Jess sees herself and feels about herself? I don't know how she does it. I honestly don't know if I'd be as strong as her if it were me.

"What an ending," I announce, stunned

"I don't like the ending. I mean, I get why he did what he did, but I wish he wouldn't have," she states, wiping her eyes.

"Have you ever felt that way?" I ask her rubbing her back; she doesn't answer.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I know I said you don't share your feelings. That wasn't fair of me to say, and I was being a jerk 'cause I was mad." She looks up at me, trying to find the right words.

"I know I'm considered lucky, and I guess you could say. I know people with my disability that is worst off, and I'm thankful! Nevertheless, I feel like sometimes it would be easier on people or better if I wasn't here. I get so tired sometimes, of being me..of this disability." Her eyes start to water as she looks down. And I know she is ashamed of what she just admitted.

"Jess, you don't have to be strong all the time, at least not with me. If you need someone to carry some of the weight, you can put it on me. I can handle it; the world is better with you in it. You impact more lives than you realize, especially mine."

She shrugs, wiping her cheeks. "There are things you don't know about me, Hero, and that's my fault because I'm not ready to share them."

I hate when she gets like this because this is not just about her disability.  It's more than that; something or someone, has broken her in such a way! Where she feels worthless, and the thought of that hurts.

"There are things you don't know about me, " I confess, trying to lighten the mood.

"Like what?"

"Well, I let a sigh, and she moves over some, turning so she's on her stomach. "I hate green vegetables.."

"Hero, I'm being serious!" She smiles, pushing me playfully.

"So am I!" I reply, laughing.

"Everyone has a past, baby, you'll tell me when you're ready, but it's not going to change anything."

"You don't know that! You'll probably want nothing to do with me once I tell you," she confesses almost in a whisper.

"I'm always going to be here for you, Jessica, no matter what happens. I wish you could see yourself the way I do; you make me feel something I haven't before" I rub her cheek lightly.

"Hero," she blushes; she always gets embarrassed when I say these things. It's like she wants to believe me, but something stops her.

"I'm nothing special.." She shakes her head in disbelief

"Yes, you are," I say softly but firmly.

Before she can argue, I place my lips on hers, and her eyes close as I deepen it. She moves onto her back, and I move with her. Getting on top of her as she places her hand on the back of my neck.

Can she feel how much I need her? As much as she needs me right now, I want to show her. How she makes me feel, but do I really want our first time together to be the night before I leave, does she?