Climax (JESSIE J)

All my love, Jessie.

Jessie POV

Kayla.

Can you hear me? I know you can because you wouldn't leave me, not properly, not again.

I'm so sorry Kid. No words can make this any better, no amount for tears and promises and apologies can bring you back to me. You're gone, and you're not coming back. Grams is heartbroken, she's not living anymore Kayla, every time I've seen her she looks more lost and more alone. They say people can die of heartbreak and I will do my best to help her but I'm still trying to save myself.

I played Defying Gravity from Wicked at your funeral, it felt like the right choice, you're not dead, you're just an angel and each night I look towards to Western Sky. I'm trying to find you.

I blame myself. If I hadn't lashed out at you, if I hadn't accused you, then you wouldn't have take your own life. You would have kept fighting and I still would have you. I'm sorry Kayla. I did love you. I do love you.

I love you.

Writing letters to you has helped me, because I can write as if I'm spewing
my problems out to you, and I can imagine what your reply would be. But your voice is fading quickly away from me and I know it's going to hurt when I can't remember your laugh. Please laugh again.

I don't want to grow old with anyone else Kayla, I don't want to live any longer without you. It hurts. My whole body aches for you, it yearns for you. It fills like I've been stabbed by a thousand knives, each of them digging deeper and deeper into my heart by every sudden memory, by every mention of your name, at the sight for anyone remotely happy. I used to be happy once. When I had you. And now I just feel empty.

I have to go back to work next week. I don't want to, it just doesn't feel right anymore. It will be a distraction I guess, give me a chance to take my mind of my grief. To don't want to grieve anymore.

My parents are coming round later to help me pack. I'm moving out. I don't want to be here anymore because every room screams memories of you and it's making it hard to move on. My mum wants me to forget but I know I will never forget you.

Sleep well my love. I'll see you again soon.

Jess x

This really is the end x