Climax (JESSIE J)

Chapter 39

4 weeks. 28 days. 672 hours. 40,320 minutes.

I hadn't spoken to Jessie in 4 weeks. And I hated her for it.

There'd been no drunken "I miss you, I made a mistake" calls, no "can we please try and sort this out" texts or even a simple message to see if I was OK. That was of course on Jessie's part. I had to delete my recent calls list because I just looked desperate and pathetic and I was embarrassed with myself.

To make matters even worse. Bang Bang dropped last week.

Jessie's promo schedule was hectic and she was everywhere. On every radio station, on every TV chat show, every billboard. Everywhere. I couldn't escape her. It was like someone up there was playing a sick joke on me, they wanted to me to pay for what I'd done and boy was I. This wasn't how a normal break up would go. When you break up with your partner normally, you delete their number, unfriend them on Facebook and do whatever you can so that you never have to see them again, so you can get over them. It a childish process, granted, but it works. It's the only way you can possibly function without them. To pretend they don't exist.

That's impossible with Jessie because she's everywhere.

I'd stopped listening to the radio and had taken a step into the past, playing CD's through my laptop if I wanted to listen to music because she wouldn't randomly pop up on a CD. I'd hardly watched TV since I last saw her, picked up a newspaper or even surfed the internet a lot because I needed to forget about her. She was obviously doing just fine in forgetting me. School for Maisy had been back a few weeks now but I hadn't really been going to any of my Uni classes. Uni meant lessons and lessons meant 7 hours of concentration and concentration wasn't my forte at the moment. I'd been to the shrink I'd been referred to by the woman in New York 4 times now- I thought I might as well keep at least one of my promises to Jessie, It's not as if she cares or anything the little voice in my head enjoys reminding me. Anyway, I'd been diagnosed with clinical depression and put on Prozac for the foreseeable future. The thing with happy pills is that they take a while to figure themselves out. Your body is real frosty with them for a while and after a couple of weeks they finally start to become friends and sort their prioities out (you) and do their job. Of course I'd only been on them for just over 2 weeks now and the pills and I still weren't on good terms so I was left feeling numb and kind of floaty. As if the feeling of a break-up wasn't bad enough. I don't know whether I was exaggerating the feeling of losing Jess and just pinning it down to the depression but I certainly wasn't feeling myself.

Harriet had tried and failed to get me on another night out to take my mind of everything, or just try and get me out of the house but all I wanted to was lie in bed, eat and listen to my old Steps CD on repeat. I didn't want to drink, the thought of it repulsed me. She did understand though, she understood that I needed time for my chemically imbalanced brain to settle again- she was my best friend, of course she Google what MDD was and what Prozac did as soon as I told her I was going on them.

So a month down the line I'd managed to pick myself up from the hole I'd dug myself into and began to slowly reach out to my friends again. Which was nice. Loneliness is lonely. I'd decided, seeing as I wasn't going to Uni anymore, that I should throw myself into some sort of project. So I was redecorating my house. Harriet was round and we were both in overalls, our hair pulled back and equip with various rollers and paints. Maisy was due back any minute from school and for the first time in too long, I was laughing.

"Harriet" I screeched childishly, "Why are you put the red roller in the blue paint?!"

"To make fucking purple you idiot, I thought you wanted that wall purple?" She looked at me as if I was stupid,

"I do but that isn't going to make purple is it?" I asked, I screwed my face up trying to picture the product of the two colours.

Harriet laughed, "Jesus Kay, you really need to get back in class. Mixing colours is like Primary School stuff" I swore at her and went back to spreading the base paint across the walls. She giggled and threw a bunch of red paint into the tray of blue and mixed it together. The colour was purple but it wasn't exactly what we were looking for. The artistic genius that she claimed to be had put way too much red in and the paint she was mixed was slowly becoming a muddy, brown, almost mouldy looking purple colour. She started to stir the paint slower and slower and when she finally accepted that she'd messed up she looked up at me.

"May I make a suggestion?" It was obviously a rhetorical question because she didn't give me a chance to answer, "I have a feeling the purple colour you were looking for won't go with the decor of the room, so I reckon we should go down the B&Q and buy a lighter, more subtle-"

She didn't finish because she burst into giggles with me. We both knew she was talking shit.

"You tried so hard as well!" I chocked out, my cheeks burning up, "You bigged yourself up so much"

We were still laughing and throwing the poo coloured paint at each other when I heard the door go and Maisy pound up the stairs. She knocked on the door and poked her head round, she looked cautious, almost scared. I was suddenly intrigued.

"Kayla can I ask you something please, don't freak out," She said quickly,

"Yeah, babe, what is it?" I asked, still laughing at Harriet who had paint dripping down her cheek.

"Julia's won Meet and Greet tickets for this concert next week and she's asked me to go with her! I really want to go because I love them so much and she said I can have them for free and-" She was talking at 1000 miles per hour and I couldn't understand a work she was saying.

"Woah, hey, slow down. Why do you need me?"

"Well we need someone over 18 to take us and Julia's parents are both busy and I asked Grams too but she won't drive on the motorway so that leaves you. We get to meet her and then standing in a special section for the concert right at the front! How cool is that!" She was so excited,

"Wow that's so cool! Yeah babe I'll totally take the two of you, that's cool," I said, busying myself with the wall again, "Who's concert is it?"

Maisy spoke quietly but I just about heard her, "Jessie J"

I wrote this while texting Rosie before I'd even posted chapter 31 so she was crying when I told her what the first line oops hahahaha

I am actually on holiday but I felt really bad for leaving how it was and I'm going to PARIS tomorrow so won't post or have time to write over the next few days. But I've written 4 chapters since Saturday so I thought you guys could have this one ;)