Mind of His

20. Blurry Vision

Fiona POV

I stared at the scene in front of me. Time seemed frozen. Zayn was standing there in Harry's arms.

Their arms wrapped around each other. Harry's face buried in Zayn's shoulder. And was Zayn... crying?

Then everything happened at once. Zayn's eyes darted over to me and I stepped back in shock. Harry also turned to look at me, and the two intertwined bodies snapped away from each other as if they had both been shocked by electricity.

I whirled around and walked straight out the door, oblivious to Zayn calling my name behind me. I jumped right back into the taxi and ordered with a shaky voice for the driver to take me home.

I stared at the dark city out the taxi window. I was still clutching the journal in my hand.

Zayn had... lied to me. After all that I did for him, after how honest I had been with everything with him, he'd lied to me. And it hurt.

I could feel my phone buzzing against my thigh. I think I knew who it was. I chose not to answer it. I just wanted to be alone for a while.

Back in the solitude of my apartment, I sat down on my couch. My eyes were tearing up, and I didn't know why. I felt hurt, played, and as if the friendship I'd thought I had with Zayn was fake.

I stared at the cover of the book in my hands. I was right. It was just like Zayn. Cold, untelling, calm, a little worn, and unrevealing to everything inside. And the inside held secrets. Why wouldn't he let them out? Why did he feel that he had to lie? Why was he hiding behind a facade of cold indifference and emptiness?

The media. The public eye. He had literally grown up behind it. He had eventually learned to deal with it in his own way. To cower from it in feigned confidence and indifference that he truly didn't have; just put it on for the media to see. A cushion to protect himself.

It was like I had an epiphany. He didn't have to tell me the truth. He told no one the truth. I was different and special enough that he had even opened up to me in the little ways he had. I barely knew him. I'd only really known him for a few weeks, almost a month. It would take time for him to open up to me, and to be a good friend, I had to accept that and be there for him.

That was what he needed. He didn't have anyone. He's lonely.

My phone buzzed again, and this time I answered it.

"Fiona, I need to talk to you," said Zayn. I could hear the desperation in his voice. "I'll- I'll tell you everything this time... I promise."

I smiled despite myself. "Zayn, you can tell me anything."

*******

"Fiona."

I met his eyes for the first time. His big, beautiful golden eyes.

We were sitting in his apartment on his couch. Harry was gone, and it almost felt as if nothing had ever happened, except there was an invisible wall between us, giving none of us the courage to speak. But he spoke first.

He gazed at me, looking deep into my eyes, and I felt like somehow he already knew everything that was going on inside me.

"I'm ready to tell you the truth. I've never told anyone this, but I think you deserve an explanation, yeah?"

I smiled just slightly. "Yeah." I said it so softly I wasn't sure he had even heard me. But he notices everything.

He took a deep breath. "I should start with saying that it's... complicated."