Part 18 i lost her

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After we were done we cuddled a little I felt so good. I never felt so peaceful, happy and proud of my self, I was happy I did it with Payton I just loved him and I think He loved me. I was thinking about how happy I was when that thought hit hit me, that vivid ask me to let them be my manager I don't really know what to say, I guess I have to talk to
payton because of that. I do not know how to start this talk.
Y/n:,, bae I want to say something but I am to scared. [ I said a little shy]
P:,,hey bae you can say everything to me I will listen to you but when you are naked next to me I can't take you serious."
Y/n:,, pay !!" [ i pushed his shoulder]
P:,, okey come on take your clothes."
He went out of bed, went to the bathroom
and took my and his clothes and threw the the clothes on the bed. We turned our clothes on and I could feel him staring at me.
Y/n:,, Please don't forget that I can feel looks."
P:,, can't stop looking at you."
P:,, so why are you scared to talk to me ?"
Y/n:,, i don't really know It's just the Thema it makes me scared to talk to you about it."
P:,, bae come on you trusted me because of my... whatever it was in the bed you know I didn't want to hurt you thing,so you can trust me again I will listen and not being mad at you okey ?"[ he said and took me close to him]
Y/n:,, okey. So when I was checking my mails today I saw a mail from vivid. Your manager...
P:,, ahh yeah he told me not to forget my work because of you bae i know i know.
Why wore you scared to tell me that?
Whatever but he texted me the mail weeks ago, why did you became you the mail today? Crazy! Whatever come I will go downstairs and bring the muffins mom made for us."
With that sentence he went out if his room and went downstairs. Why did he not listen to me? ... whatever I just will say no
to vivid I mean payton will be mad at me for saying yes.
*Paytons P.O.V*
I went downstairs to bring the muffins upstairs. I was in the kitchen and opened my laptop because actually I didn't wanted to eat in my room so I yelled
P:,,Y/N COME HERE!"
She came running down with her hella hot body I didn't know how I deserved he but I am so happy I did it with her she is just so perfect.
Y/n:,, What ? Do you hurt your self?"[ She said shy again]
Why the fuck is she shy? Did I hurt her and she didn't tell me ? Oh no I run
everything I have to ask her.
P:,, you will tell me if I hurt you while we did it or ?"
Y/n:,, Yeah yeah I will."[ She looked at the floor] I felt so dirty and guilty for hurting her I need I did something and she was t happy about hit. Damn Payton you at eso fucking stupid.
P:,, ahh you are so stupid payton I hate you!"[ I turned around and walked a few meters and talked to my self]
Y/n:,, payton why are you mad at your self."
P:,, i mad at my self for hurting you why
didn't you say anything to me I would stop
it you said it. Damn I hate my self! Ahhh!"
Y/n:,, Payton you didn't hurt me at all."
P:,, but you are so scared and shy when you with me. Why then ?"
Y/n:,, no because you hurt me because vivid didn't said you should focus on your work. They ask me to let them be my manager because immer socials grow because of you and I was scared to tell you because I didn't want to use you."[ She said really fast]
P:,, what? [ I said confused and hurt a
little] I didn't knew why I was hurt but I was and I looked at her with tears in my
eyes. I had so many emotions in my body right now and I had to cry. I laid my hand on the table and looked down I was just looking to the floor. Not seeing what y/n did, the last thing what I heard was the front door closing with that I looked up and y/n was gone . The next hour I just yelled at my self that I am shit and I just not worth it enough. In that moment I didn't wanted to see her ever again idk why?
~~~~~~~~End of Season~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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