Restless Heart Syndrome

Chapter 2 Nuclear Family

He doesn't know exactly where he needs to be, but it's not here, and he's found a place he can rightly (maybe not legally) call his own until he finds his own little slice of heaven.

In his mind, he's alone, oblivious to the caring people around him as he sits in murky light of a destitute water closet, looking blankly at the disgust towards himself that's made itself corporeal in the toilet bowl. He's so fucking pathetic sometimes.

He's let down his family, just like he's let himself down… Just like he failed Magnus. Maybe he really isn't deserving of any trust. People should stop giving it to him. He's such a stupid fucking wreck, and he's only getting what he deserves.

It takes a moment, but Alec pulls himself together enough to go back to his room, and he does, his feet dragging on the carpet in a rather repetitive pattern. His feet are stuck in a rut, just like his ability to retain trust. He has to stop making jokes that don't make anyone laugh. Well, some of them made Magnus laugh… but that's irrelevant now, isn't it?

After what seems like years compressed into hardly a minute Alec opens the door to his room, flopping down on it like the good-for-nothing he's convincing himself that he is. His eyes shut and he remains in the jelly of time for a moment as time stretches out, seeming to take forever as everything moves too slowly for his liking. But he just can't bring himself to move. He's just doesn't have the incentive. Like it even matters.

A knock rings clearly through the jell-o pocket of time his brain has created, and he automatically calls to the knock he can almost recognize. It's not angry, it's not gentle and there's overall little passion to it. It's Jace; who else could manage to seem so neutral in a time like this?

"Jace," Alec sighs slowly, not really not knowing what's going to be said but feeling hollow enough not to give a damn.

"Alec," Jace acknowledges, closing the door and leaning against it. It's a good thing he's not flammable. But if he was, maybe he'd burn away Alec's memories for him. That might be nice.

"You're not going to try and stop me, are you?" Alec finally questions, slightly weary as he looks at his brother through tired eyes. He's still not exactly sure where Jace stands, though it is to be considered that he seems to not give a flying fuck.

Jace seems to think on it for a second before making a decision. "I don't think so, no."

They're silent for a few moments, doing nothing but letting the clockwork screwed in their heads wind around and around in new, but familiar, patterns. Alec's relieved that Jace isn't trying to stop him, and his adopted brother is no doubt trying to catch the exact meaning of the smile on Alec's face that just seems to showcase his loneliness.

"Thank you," Alec decides, slightly unnerved but too moody to care about Jace's lack of witty remarks.

Jace shrugs, and Alec wonders for not the first time if he's ever anything but perfect. "It's your life. Besides, you'll be the one longing to live with me again by the end of the week."

Alec scoffs, a bit revived from the teen his feelings will never completely disappear for being normal enough to seem as conceited as he usually does. "Whatever."

Jace smiles, then his eyes turn hard with hardly a trace of joke or play. "Are you serious about this?"

The adult takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly as if to savour non-existent nicotine. "Yeah. I am."

Jace nods, his eyes carrying a mild amount of questioning but nothing serious. "Let me help you move tomorrow?"

Alec snorts. "You do realize you're somewhat on fire, right?"