The Girl Who Wore Her Heart on her Sleeve.

Chapter 31

After awaking a long nap, I grazed open my eyes to reveal a lush green paradise I called home. It seems still, so far away. But, now its in the grasp of my fingertips, literally, I was breathing Irish air.

I was so nervous to see everyone. What would they think? Act? Do? What would their reactions be to Quinn? And the news about my dad? Gosh...I certainly do not want to be the one who breaks the news to them.

I outstretched my arms, only to accidentally hit Quinn, who had been previously asleep. Aggravated, that I woke him up, he just motioned for me to go away, even whispering "5 more minutes." What an adorable idiot.

Uncle Sean was on the other side of Quinn, seemingly close to me, but, emotionally distant. I of course, had to have the window seat, because I'm just that amazing.

I could feel the butterflies flutter inside me, tickling my every nerve. I felt scared and lonely, though I wast not alone.

There was turbulence earlier in the flight, which previously cause havoc amongst the passengers.

The crew said that there was a late- season storm, crossing over the atlantic.

 Surprisingly, I wasn't the storm.

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The plane landed kindly, not too rough. Even though the once Irish blue sky, was faded into a dulled grey, I thought it to be beautiful. The familiar smell of the place I called home, lulled me into a pleasurable peace.

It seems to distant, but, so close. Almost like an optical illusion, it seems like its there but, its not. This time its real, even though it seems like it isn't.

We went to baggage claim, and I got my beloved suitcase, that has the British flag on it. My favourite bag, that I got from my mother, she'd probably be delighted that I was using it.

Quinn didn't have much, but, it's quality verses quantity for him, I guess. He gave me the "god save me," look, almost pleading for us to get it over with and go back home. I walked over and gave him a quick hug, and a kiss on the cheek.

He gave me the biggest smile he could come up with, which was a mere half-grin.

"You'll be fine love." I said, patting him on the back.

" I-I'm just so scared... to see her, I mean, w-what if she doesn't like me..?" He said, peering into my eyes, looking for the answer.

"I know our father didn't turn out the best- well didn't make the best choices, or anything. But, trust me, she'll love you, and if she doesn't, then you still have me." I said, remaining honest.

"I'm glad I have ya, sis'".

I smiled, grateful for the brother I was blessed with.

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We finished the 3 hour long car drive, to finally reach Dundalk. I guess mum is at grandmas, well, it was where she was born, so it makes sense.  I wonder if shes doing okay? Gosh, I miss her.

My thoughts kept wandering to Blake. What if he loses feelings for me? What if he doesn't feel for me, what I feel for him? I miss him. But, what if he doesn't miss me? How could I even deal with that, if it were true. Mum used to say;" if you love someone, then you'll set them free, and even if they don't come back, at one point you were still everything to them...everything they ever wanted. For it is to better to love, and to have lost, than to never have loved at all." 

She's right, because, life is full of things once had. We all lose things we once loved, or still love, because of how temporary everything is. Yet, we still look for something permanent. We're  not even permanent. We have to live while we can, and love as much as possible, even if we're not loved in return. Love big, laugh big, and hug big. You'll never get those moments back, especially when you want them most. 

But your mark on the world will always be permanent. 

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I walked inside, only to be smothered by every angle, with hugs and "sweet jaysus, you've grown up." I could feel myself being pulled into a million different directions, literally. Big families can be such a hassle, well actually, my family isn't that big, but, it seems to me like they are. Quinn walked behind me, so confused, whilst looking as if he were going to be sick. I felt bad for him, because, honestly, could you imagine what its like to go to a place where you don't even know anyone, but apparently they share the same blood as you? Scary.

I felt like scavanging this entire place until I found her, but, decided against it. I casually looked everywhere for her, until my eyes came across a slender lady, with dark brown hair, a couple shades darker than my own. She had bright, happy green eyes, something I lacked. See, everyone tells me I look like my dad, which scared me a little more than I'd like to admit. She laughed a beautiful, melodious laugh, and filled the room with joy. It's almost like she was a different person. She grew into someone different, someone lovely. Maybe, dad being gone was a good thing for her. No, it is good for her. She doesn't need someone toxic in her life. She's lived for so long with him, suffering and fighting for what they once had. I'm proud of her for that. She's such a strong woman, and I love her. 

Her smile faded as someone announced Quinn and I's presence. She sported a look of worry, and love, and a look every mother should have when she sees her kids for the first time in a long time. Mum walked over and hugged us both, causing the poor Quinn to whimper in disbelief. Yes, boys can whimper, especially ones who haven't seen their mother since they were 5 and a half. 

"M-mum?" Whispered a shocked 15 year-old. 

"Quinn. Yer so big...I can't believe it!" She said, taken aback by his growth over the past 10 years. I can't believe I was witnessing something so well, beautiful. A mother and her son, seeing each other for the first time in forever. Quinn has probably imagined this day for years. Being able to finally hug the women who gave him life, and loved him more than life itself. She hugged him in a way that every son everywhere should be hugged. In a way that everyone wants to be hugged by their mothers. 

Life can be so terrible. Ripping away people who deserve to be with each other, so far away. Quinn hasn't seen mum since he was in kindergarten. And even though my father has done many things wrong, that he will never be able to fix, he has been ripped away from us to. Something that we can never fix. Frankly, I think I miss him too. 

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A//N I know you're probably thinking:" what the hell? how could she even miss her dad?! After everything hes done to her. That's so wrong."  All I have to say is think about it: you grew up until you were about 6, with a loving dad and everything. He raised you right, and you loved him. But, when life gets twisted and confusing and everything, and you don't even  understand  whats going on around you, you'll still love him, right? You don't understand that hes drinking and hitting you, you just become scared of him, and think that you personally, did something wrong. People are still people, no matter what they do. Your dad is still your dad, so missing him is just apart of life right. Willow here misses him, yes, but, misses the old him. The dad that used to play soccer with her in the park, and practice her timestables with her. Not the one who beat her mother up so much, that her cranium almost smashed in. She'll miss what she'll never get back, her old dad. She wishes to have him here, but she knows she wont get what she wishes in this case, and represses her feelings about it. But, thank you for reading:) stay lovely!

~Torasaur<3:)