It Broke The Fourth Wall

8

I wake up cold.

I'm only in a towel and I feel my wrist throbbing in pain. Slowly I put my brace back on and put on a really big tshirt.

I look at my phone to see oli texted me

Oli♡: what happened?

Oli♡: are you okay?

Oli♡: If you dont message me before afternoon tomorrow I'm coming over to make sure you're okay

Oli♡: message me when you feel like it I'm sorry if I made you upset

I look at the time, 7am.. it way to early to wake up now.

Me: I'm sorry I ended up falling asleep.. im okay now, I'm going back to sleep now so dont worry.

Oli♡: I almost walked over 3 times but felt like I'd be crossing a line and would make you mad at me. I'm so glad your  okay. Goodnight love, text me when you wake up

Me: okay Goodnight

I'm such a mess.. I put my head down and go back to sleep. In a few days it's going to be October.. spooky season..

I hate October.

-October 10-

6 years ago today...

I want to say I still  cant believe that happened but it did.. I saw my family die.

I know you shouldn't have favorites but all humans do. I cant myself for being upset that my mom died and not my dad. It they would have switched places like my mom begged him to do we we wouldn't have a even been in that situation..

I had no connection with my little sister but had lots of bonding moments with my brother and sister.. I want my family back..

I feel bad because after I had that freak out with oli I haven't called him are he'll say goodmorning, I'll give a Goodmorning text back.. then I'll ignore him Intel late In the day and text for 10ish minutes and then tell him Goodnight.

I've just been moody.. I don't want to get mad at oli or complain,cry, or open up to him. I want him to see me as okay.

So here I am crying harder than I've ever cried before. For my family, for being so alone, and for being such an asshole to someone who actually seems to care about me.

My dad left 2 days ago because he doesn't want to see me or Katie because we are just reminders of what happened. A soft knock from my door. I'm such a bad brother. I clean off my face and open my door.

"Why are you crying?"

Katie asks as she hugs me. I hug back. "Want to go to the park?" I ask with a fake smile.

"But it almost bed time?" She asks confused.  It's only 8pm but she does go to sleep early.

"Okay, well go tomorrow in the daytime," I say.

I just thought she would want to because she loves the park but our dad doesn't take her or let's me. But he's not here and wont be for a week. Plus this early oli wont be there because he has work.

I think.

"No! We can go, I dont want to stay here," she reassures me. I nod and she run away yelling shes going to get ready.  I grab put on my long sleeve and my jacket on and a black scarf and beanie. 

Its getting cold out, especially at night. Once I'm ready I go and help Katie get her marshmallow jacket and a matching scarf and beanie. 

Hand in hand we walk to the park.