Sakura (How to Obtain a Reverse Harem in Naruto)

Tea Time

For those who don't follow me on Tumblr this is Lilly in Bleach, story coming relatively soon. :) Artwork by Cantrona. 

"Me: I would like your most ethereal item that opens a portal to the fae realm.

Clerk: this is a Bed Bath and Beyond.

Me: grant me access to the Beyond aisle."

-Faeriesfang

Beta: SolarCupid(☞ ᐛ )☞

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Sadly.

Warning: Lilly.

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Haku gently blew on his tea. "What a delicious picnic, Sakura-sensei."

"Thank you kindly, m'dear," I chirped. "Now that we all have food in our bellies, mind telling us what Kirigakure wants?"

"We were here to officially invite the Hokage to a Kage Summit in the Land of Iron," Haku explained. "The Raikage is demanding a union to deal with the Akatsuki threat. Apparently Kumogakure has lost two jinchuriki to them now."

'I figured Yugito would die before I could intervene, but I didn't think they'd attack Bee. How exactly did that go down without Sasuke's group? It certainly couldn't have been Kisame. Pein and Konan are attacking Konoha now, and there's no way Bee would have been able to slip by Obito. Unless he didn't slip by Obito and my interference caused the death of a fan favorite?'

Ooo.

I did not want to think about that. For now I will hope for the best and follow the path as if Bee had successfully escaped his attacker(s).

"Yeah," I said slowly, somehow keeping my face deadpan. "Those Akatsuki are a real threat."

"Hey!" Deidara protested upon hearing my sarcasm.

"It would be best if we united against any force that has successfully kidnapped jinchūriki," Haku pointed out.

"That makes sense," I allowed. "Konoha is currently being attacked by two Akatsuki members."

"What?" Anko gasped. "We have to go back—"

I dismissed her with a wave of my hand. "Tsunade-sama and I have been preparing for this for years. It's completely under control. Besides, there's a reason I was sent out here. I can't go back until the sun has set."

Haku tapped his chin thoughtfully. "What if Konoha is destroyed? If you had nowhere else to go, Kirigakure would welcome you."

"Awww," I cooed. "So sweet! But that's not an issue. Konoha's buildings will definitely need to get remade, but only a dozen or so lives should be lost. We've had this planned out for a while, and unless they resurrected Madara-sama himself, we'll be fine."

"Who the fuck is Madara?" Hidan asked with a frown.

I gasped at that blasphemy. "How dare you not know the hottest warmonger to have ever lived! Fortunately for you, I keep a sketchbook on me at all times, and it just so happens to have plenty of sketches of Madara-sama."

True to my word, I pulled out my nearly filled up red sketch book and flipped toward the first drawing of Madara before handing it over to Hidan. Hidan squinted at it, unimpressed. "He's not that hot."

"How dare you?! That's like saying Kisame-sama is ugly!"

"He is—"

With a battle cry, I launched myself Hidan, dead set on defending the honor of my idols by any means necessary.