Zombie Bois

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"My room is not messy, it is an obstacle course designed to keep me fit."

-Anonymous

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!

Warning: People die in this chapter. So... Beware of that.

( 。◕‿‿◕。)

(HAKU)

Haku was carrying a basket draped in pink cloth. It was a very feminine and pretty-looking basket, and if Haku was insecure he might have been uncomfortable carrying such a thing in public. But Haku didn't mind in the slightest. He was—as Sakura dubbed it—gender fluid, and was perfectly fine masquerading as a girl whenever he wanted to.

He liked cute things.

Although he didn't like it when people stopped to stare at him on the street. He understood he was a "pretty boy" and he drew the gazes of both genders. That didn't mean he enjoyed their looks. He couldn't help it if he was born with good genetics.

Which was why he was most comfortable wearing a mask.

But Mei had become increasingly insistent that he didn't hide his good looks, and should instead embrace them.

She might have only said this to convince him to dress up in a kimono, though.

Haku approached the Mizukage tower, heading past the guards on duty and giving a polite nod to the secretary. He headed up to the highest floor where he could already hear his master and Mei arguing.

"—and I told you to stop dressing Haku up like a goddamn doll!" Zabuza snarled.

"He's adorable!" Mei shouted back. "Beautiful people ought to embrace their blessings. It's for the betterment of the world."

"In what way!?" Zabuza howled.

Haku cleared his throat politely when he entered the room. Zabuza had his hands on Mei's desk and was leaning over it. Mei was leaning forward as well, her face barely a few centimeters away from Zabuza. Both were red-faced, and when Haku announced his presence they abruptly jumped back.

Sakura-chan will be happy to hear about this, Haku thought. He held up the basket. "Sakura-chan sent a goody basket for Mei-sama."

Mei's entire face lit up like the sunrise. She had originally been skeptical of Sakura's delightful treats, but after seeing Zabuza and Haku wolf them down a few times she eventually gave in.

She was hooked instantly.

Mei tried to persuade the Hokage to send Sakura with the Konoha delegation to work on their alliance, but Sakura was already going to Suna. It was unfortunate timing, but Mei was damn determined to convince Sakura to defect from Konoha and be her personal baker.

"I also have a note from Sakura for you," Haku went on. "She'd like to ask you to officially join her harem. In doing so, she will send a goody basket twice a month, along with the official harem clothing."

Clothing Haku proudly wore on his days off because they were extremely comfy. He caught Zabuza wearing the pajamas every now and then.

Mei thought for all of three seconds before she said, "Of course! Does she need my sizes?"

Haku recited Sakura's written response to that, "'Everyone knows a goddesses' sizes."

That made Mei giggle flirtatiously, while Zabuza made a scoffing noise.

"Goddess my ass," Zabuza grouched.

He wasn't able to dodge Mei's hands, and the Mizukage promptly through him out her window. She turned back to Haku and said with a smile, "Please let Sakura-chan know I'll gladly accept. I'll write a letter to her shortly, if you don't mind sending that along?"

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