Sakura (How to Obtain a Reverse Harem in Naruto)

Saving Princess Duck-Butt

This chapter is dedicated to dear Cantrona. ^-^ Thank you for your support and once more happy belated birthday.

"Today I will be as useless as the G in lasagna."

-Anonymous

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Warning: This is a crack story, with a morally ambiguous protagonist.

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"Well, I wasn't there for the exams, but there were many opinions of support for you all," Tsunade began.

I stood in between Sasuke and Naruto, with Hinata next to Naruto, and Shikamaru next to her. We were all in Tsunade's office, bright and early a few days after our team had returned from the mission in the Land of Tea.

Tsunade's amber eyes swept over each of us before they settled on Sasuke. "Sasuke, you were clever in the first part of the exam, using deceit to steal the answers. In the second part your team cleared the stage within twenty four hours, a feat not to be dismissed so easily. You were decisive in your preliminary match, and displayed combat skills of at least Chūnin rank. While it was a shame the final round concluded before we could see more of your skill, your teacher gave enough of a recommendation for you that the council agreed with your promotion. Congratulations.

"Sakura. You saw through the first exam, barely phased from Ibiki's intense psychological warfare. You single-handedly eliminated half of your competition in the second stage, and showed tactical planning and impressive combat skills in your preliminary match, as well as in the final rounds. You have earned your promotion. Congratulations.

"Naruto. Luck got you through the first round, but you proved your combat skills were Chūnin level when you faced against Kiba. You did not sustain a single injury in the final round because you did not need to reveal yourself to your enemy. I have personally seen you in combat, and you certainly have the charisma to lead a team. With Kakashi's recommendation, and my own, it is agreed you will be promoted. Congratulations.

"Hinata. Your boldness and loyalty for fellow shinobi is impressive, especially as it contradicts academy reports. Your growth has caught the eyes of many, and the fact that you were able to lead your team through the second stage was not unnoticed. You dealt with an opponent that, on paper, should have easily beaten you. You won, though. You have a critical mind, impressive taijutsu skills, and the courage and loyalty to lead. You have earned your promotion. Congratulations.

"Shikamaru. You saw through the first exam, and lead your team to victory in the second stage. You were decisive in your preliminary match, and you understood when it was time to surrender in the final round. Asuma highly recommends you for a promotion, citing that you have already lead your team through difficult missions, and are more than ready for the responsibility of Chūnin. You have been promoted. Congratulations."

The sheer amount of pride that rolled off of everyone in that room was stunning.

Tsunade waved her hand over to a stack of flaks on her desk. "Take your flak and leave. Ah, Sakura, stay behind."

Naruto and Sasuke glanced over at me and I gave them a big smile. "Let's meet up for breakfast, okay?"

"'Kay." Naruto gave me a thumbs up. "C'mon, angsty boy. Let's have ramen for breakfast!"

Sasuke slugged Naruto. "We're not eating ramen for breakfast."

As my teammates filed out—and Hinata gave me a beaming smile before she left—I turned back towards Tsunade. "How can I help the pretty lady?"