Heaven

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It's been three years love, I miss you every day. Each day feels like it just drags on as I struggle to recall what your voice sounds like, as my memory has gone fuzzy and your voice is like a distant memory my mind is trying to erase.

I miss being able to hug you, the familiar scent of lavender encasing around me, becoming a scent that would forever comfort me.

Your hold protective and secure, full of love, nothing like my mother's whose form of love was a bitter slap leaving my cheeks a stained red color, stinging for days.

As time passes by I struggle to remember how it sounded to hear you laugh, see you smile, or just even the familiar security and love that you constantly surrounded me with.

These days my thoughts are often quite dark and I can't allow myself to be alone. I wish I could've saved you, I wasn't there and I said I always would be. I should've came sooner.

Your heart and mind were powerful, you've helped me develop my mindset and the way I think. I'm forever grateful for you walking into my life. You were the mother figure I constantly longed for, my heart is shattered to know you're no longer here on Earth.

I'm consistently looking for something to distract me to keep my thoughts from consuming me, a dark cloud forming over my head, as it expands it becomes deeper, allowing me to become overwhelmed. Succumbed to the very thoughts I try so desperately to fight before they overpower me.

Your death still feels surreal, I just wish I got to say my goodbyes. Ever since you've passed I will not allow myself to abandon anyone, I constantly check on people even if they don't check on me, my world could be falling apart and I'll be trying to repair theirs.

I don't leave without saying an I love you or a goodbye, forever living in fear that it could possibly be the last time I could see that person.

I miss you Heaven, thank you for becoming the mother, mine never was. You are forever in my heart and stuck in my mind. I love you.

Sunflowers will forever hold a special place in my heart.
-Mari

hi my angels, thanks for reading.
this chapter was a form of closure for me, since I will never get any.

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