Felix Culpa (Valmont's Consigliere/CamRen)

Mood Swings

"Ugh, stop it already!" She gripped the bars tightly atsaka ito niyugyog. "If you don't shut up, I will-"

"What?" I touched her hand with my index. I can't let people see that gesture. This is me being careful. "Calm down, Reese."

"Okay."

Ano na nga ba'ng ginagawa nito sa banyo noon para kumalma? Ah, alam ko na. "Breathe, babe. Come on, slowly lang."

"Okay."

"Feeling better now?"

Umiling siya at parang naiiyak. Ang helpless niya tignan at naiinis ako dahil wala akong magawa para sa kanya. "Help me. All I can feel now is anger." Ayun, bumigay din. I went to my small bathroom, filling my empty bottle with water. "No, not like that." Kumunot ang noo ko. "Do you have anything to cut me in there? Anything to hurt me?"

"Are you fucking serious?"

"Ken-Ken..."

"Hay, sige. Pero bakit muna?" I guess she just realized that they just ordered a surprise sweep, kaya wala akong kahit anong naitago. "Teka lang."

"Ken-Ken..."

"Wait lang, please. Thank you, baby."

"Okay."

Habang naghahanap ako ng pwedeng gamitin, sinabihan ko siyang magpaliwanag kung bakit. "I need you to cut my wrist. I need to focus on the physical pain that I'm having instead of the emotional outburst. It is a way of regulating my feelings." She cried and I don't exactly know what to do. I can't text Teegan because Juju already took the phone away for my safety. "Please, help me. I know you don't know what I'm going through, but please-"

"Okay, okay. Tumigil ka na dyan, 'wag mo din akong paiyakin." At this moment, I learned that both of us are dealing with something. According to Juju, her disorder did not come from an invalidated early environment. Reese did not have any kind of bad past. She was the one who pushed everyone away. Her friend's best guess is genetics, though, it's not proven yet. Or baka hindi rin lang din nila alam kung ano ba talaga ang nangyari sa bunso nila noong bata pa siya kaya siya nagkaganyan. There may be an underlying issue that we don't know about.

"Ang sakit ng ulo ko..."

"Uminom ka ng gamot, then."

"Help me..."

"Oo nga pala." Umiling ako at sinabing, "I don't know how to prevent the pain, but I do know a way how to alleviate it. Do you see anyone around?" The intern shook her head. "Sumilip ka sa baba, is Jamie there?" Tumango siya. "Okay, halika na dito. Lumapit ka."

"Hindi mo ako nilalandi at ang seryoso mo, Mackenzie. Hindi mo na ba ako mahal?"

Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ako o kikiligin, eh. Sinagot ko na lang siya, "Hindi, babe, kasi ano, seryoso tayo."

"Ah, okay. Sudden changes scare me kasi." Finally, nakapagsabi din ng nararamdaman. This time, hindi ko pinirata yung impormasyon sa mga kaibigan niya. "The tiniest bit, didibdibin ko 'yon."

"Sorry na." Ngitian ko siya. "O, ano na'ng gagawin? Wala naman akong pantutusok sa'yo maliban sa daliri ko." Okay, I should not be laughing right now pero nakakatawa talaga, eh. "Charot. O, ano na, mylab?"

"Ken-Ken..."

"Sorry ulit. Ikaw kasi, eh."

"Do something, please." Bahala na nga. Kahit na masakit pa yung labi ko, kinagat ko siya. Tumigil lang ako nang matikman ko ang dugo niya. "More," De Leon says, after glancing on the left-wing, where people can walk in on us anytime.

"More kiss or more blood?"

"I'm not sure at the moment." Natawa na lang siya at ganun din ako. Kailangan talaga ng maraming pasensya sa taong 'to dahil pabago-bago siya ng kalooban. "Can you please stop staring? Just hurt me and love me at the same time, please. I'm still not okay."