Late Nights-E.G.D

F I F T Y - T H R E E

A/N: I couldn't find a picture I really wanted^^^😂I felt like this fit Allison atm though

As I'm laying here I realize it's starting to sink in that I broke up with Ethan and the sadness is kicking in. I should be laying down with Ethan right now, watching Netflix and probably trying to be quiet. Regret is running through my veins the longer I allow myself to think about Ethan, it's taking a lot in me not to go over to his house right now and hug because that's all I want to do at the moment, hug him even though I'm mad at him.

In hindsight, we both were pretty right and wrong on our side of things but I think I may have taken it to the next level because deep down I knew he was right about Ryan and me wanting Ryan to be able to think that we can be something which obviously Ryan does. I heavily sigh and that turns into a loud groan with me kicking my legs and covering my face with my hands. When did my love/like life get so fucking complicated? I really want to know.

I like Ryan, I'm just going to admit that to myself right now, I do and I like Ethan even more for multiple reasons. Ethan is so sweet and caring when he wants to be but also when he feels the need, he can be a total douchebag but I've only seen that side of him when Ryan was in the vicinity or topic of discussion. While Ryan I haven't even spent enough time with him to get the chance to see a "bad said" of him other than the whole facetime fiasco but that was called for.Pulling my hands off my face, I stare at my left hand then the right one. Ryan was left, Ethan was right. I want them both but I can't have both of them and I can't choose one over the other because then I feel like I'm losing the other one which is something I don't want. I hold my "Ethan" hand higher. Ethan knows like everything personal about me, he's witnessed the thumb thing, he's the first person outside of Carmen and Amy that I told about Evan, and he's met, my parents. I drop that hand on my chest and hold up my "Ryan" hand. Ryan knows nothing important about me outside of my cousins and that was by default.

"Ali?" Manny's little voice pulls me back to the world around me.

I sit up seeing Manny poking his head through my door "Yeah?"

Manny walks up to me "Why are you sad?"

Oh my god I love this kid so much "I'm not sad, just hungry and I don't know if I want pancakes or Mexican food"

Manny thinks "Mexican tonight for dinner and pancakes tomorrow for breakfast, that way you get both"

I grab his face, squishing his lightly freckled cheeks "You're so cute, I love it" Manny giggles "I'm gonna go take a shower then we'll get that Mexican food"

"Okay, I'll be right here" Manny crawls on my bed, aiming his Nerf gun at my door and shooting.

I grab my black Playboy bunny shorts and white cut off shirt on my way to the bathroom, closing my door behind me. As I waited for the water to heat up I removed my clothes, leaving me in my bra and underwear. The hickeys Ethan left on my breasts were there like a reminder of something, he's actually the only person I let give me hickeys. I connected them like dots with my index finger receiving flashbacks what we were doing when he gave me those and how I felt which was amazing.

The warm water felt nice as it poured against my skin like it was trying to wash away my confusion, if only it were that easy. I wish someone would just tell me what to do, give me the right answer on how exactly to deal with this. I'd rather deal with math than Ethan and Ryan right now.

After getting out of the shower I wrap my towel around me, starting to dry off. I'm taking my time to do this because I know once I'm like dressed and everything I'm probably going to want to and try to go to Ethan. I know I'm going to be faced with him eventually and am going to have to talk to him.