If I Could

{91} - Staying Power

"Oh, thank you Ben, I'm really thankful to you," Belle brings her hands to her chest as she beams with gratitude. "Anyways, I better get going. I'm seeing John in a few minutes and I'm already late."

"Belle," Ben stops her, gulping, his facial expression turning into a more serious one. "Don't go, please. We need to talk about something else. It'll be fast, I don't have a lot of time neither."

"About what?", Belle murmurs.

"About Charlotte," Ben whispers, pulling her aside near the ladies' restroom no one uses because it has the fame of being haunted. "Belle, please, I need to see her more frequently," Ben begs and his voice almost breaks, showing just how desperate he is.

"W-What?", Belle narrows her eyes, wondering exactly how Ben expects her to accomodate this. "That cannot happen. How can I sneak her out without Roger asking where I'm taking her?".

"Find a way to do it. I know that if it was the other way round, if you were the one who didn't get to see Charlotte, you'd already have a solution to this."

"Ben, I promise I will find a way but just give me time. This wasn't what we had agreed for. Remember making Roger not suspect a thing was going to be our priority."

"I don't care about priorities any more, Belle. I want to see my daughter."

"Well, I do care about priorities. So calm down, Ben, we've already talked about this," Belle protests at Ben's quiet but evident aggressive tone.

"How can you tell me to calm down?", Ben whispers impossible lower, roughly scrubbing his hands through his hair, struggling to keep his cool at Belle. "I just don't know how you can expect me not to care about Charlotte, my daughter."

Belle doesn't say anything for a few seconds.

"I'm sorry," Belle tries to stand in Ben's shoes, speaks in the softest tone her voice can emute, looking down at her shoes. "I'll try to see if John can help us."

Ben sighs heavily. "Thank you. I'm sorry, I'm just really desperate. Charlotte is my flesh and blood. I love her. I knew you'd understand."

Belle nods, leaving the hospital as fast as possible. John doesn't take long to notice something's wrong with Belle, she explains the situation to him and he can only come up with one solution.

"Here are my house keys," John says to Belle, making her gasp. "I'm not going to be here for three weeks. You and Ben can come here so he can see Charlotte. Make the most of it while I'm not here."

"Thank you," Belle takes the house keys, but the solution John has presented to her still does't ease the weight on her shoulders and soul. "I feel so bad, John, because I had promised Ben I would let him be near Charlotte. But now I have put my marriage above the relationship between a father and his daughter. When did I become such a horrible person?". Belle blinks hard to stop the tears welling up in her eyes from falling. But she fails. She feels mean, dirty, she wants the earth to open up and swallow her whole.

"You're not a horrible person. I think you're the furthest thing from that," John pulls Belle into a tight embrace, and she starts to cry harder, "Look, everything will fall into place. Just try to focus on your daughters, all right? Everything else is just secondary."

"But what about Roger? I hate the idea that I haven't been the person he deserves."

"I know this will sound insane, but the fact Charlotte isn't Roger's daughter doesn't mean you don't love him the pure and intense way you love him," John shirt is now wet from Belle's tears but he doesn't mind. "Now, focus on getting Ben and Charlotte to spend as much time together as possible."

Belle nods, tries to compose herself as John makes her a cup of tea. That night, Belle did as planned and brought Charlotte over to John's house. Ben was excited, happy, grateful to see his daughter again.

But there was a person whose car was parked near John's house that was weirded out to see the Belle, Ben and Charlotte together:

Mary Austin.

Once all three of them are inside the house, Ben takes Charlotte in his arms and becomes hypnotised by her.

"God," Ben exclaims, almost crying tears of joy. It feels wonderful to have her so close to him, Charlotte has become something Ben didn't just imagine, in this moment she no longer is a dream or a thought, but someone he can touch with his hands, and see with his very own eyes. "She's so beautiful."

"She's such a good baby," Belle comments, looking at Charlotte with all the love in the world. "She only fusses when she's wet or hungry. At this moment she's neither."

"She does look she's a peaceful baby," Ben comments as his eyes are glued to his daughter.

"I wonder who she will look like when she gets older," Belle utters. "Not that it matters, it's just fun to think about."

Ben thinks Charlotte looks a lot like Belle, to be honest. She has her overall facial structure and chin, but she has Ben's nose and eye colour and shape. Perhaps the biggest surprise though, was her hair. There was quite a bit of it, considering she was two weeks old - it was even starting to curl at the tips.

"She's got your looks, thankfully," Ben jests, brushing Charlotte's face with this thumb. Suddenly, Charlotte snuffled against Ben's chest, wrinkling the fabric of his shirt. When it finally sunk in that there wasn't anything there she started crying, waving her tiny fists around.

"Woah, she's hungry," in order to avoid being beaten, Ben brought his knees up and leant Charlotte back against them so that she was almost upright, but still completely supported.

"Oh yeah sorry, I think it's time to feed her," Belle was kinda annoyed by Charlotte's loud crying. "But if you want to be Charlotte's real dad you will have to change her nappy when it's time."

"Oh, I didn't sign up for that!", Ben joked as he grinned softly up at Charlotte, who was squirming, her pink her pink little face scrunching up as she squawked at him. "Hey Lottie, calm down," Ben whispered as she kissed his daughter's little nose. "Don't cry, your mum will feed you soon."

After Belle breastfed Charlotte, she was back in her biological father's arms, who was chuckling at her teeny burps. Everything about her seemed so endearing, so pure and adorable. When Belle decided to take a nap, Ben sat with her for a long while, stroking one finger up and down the shell of her ear. She seemed to find it so soothing, staying curled in his arm perfectly content.

He feels a throbbing pain in his chest when he remembers he won't get to experience moments like this one every day. It doesn't feel fair. This is the epitome of his happiness, the new meaning of his life. He feels broken. And Belle feels broken too. Waking up to the sight of Ben and Charlotte together brings her an unexplained and unprecedented feeling of happiness.

Rumour has it broken things can be made whole again.

Wouldn't that be nice?