If I Could

{88} - Doing All Right

Dedicated to QueenBeatleBookworm 🎀💜

Four days later

"It looks good," Ben Hardy says to Belle Taylor, who's standing in front of a mirror at Ben's house. It's the first time she's ever been there, which was a goddamn stressful event for him who kept overthinking even the smallest details. Does the sitting room smell good? Does the bathroom towel match with the wall? Should he shift the pillow on the couch more to the left?

When Ben voices his concerns to Belle she laughs, can't help but wish there was space in her mind for such details.

Because the only thing that's been on Belle's mind is the paternity test she got done for Charlotte. Ben had found a non-invasive way to find out about the baby's father and Belle didn't think twice before getting it done. Now the results had been sent to Ben's house, both of them were nervous, very nervous, trying their best not to lose their minds.

"What looks good?", Belle asks, fixing her freshly-dyed blonde hair.

"Your new dress," Ben replies, kindly smiling at her. "No doubt why young women like you so much. Does it feel like a burden having so many people admire you?".

Belle turns around, her blue dress contrasting perfectly with the room's lightning. She looks directly into Ben's eyes as sits on the table in front of Ben, who's sat on a couch. She looks like she's remembered something bad.

"My fashion choices have been on point lately. I think I haven't disappointed the girls who admire me," Belle states and waits a few seconds before speaking again. "The only people I have disappointed are the closest ones to me." She gulps, changes the atmosphere with her heartfelt words. She can't keep her sadness to herself, it's showing all over her face. "Ben, I'm sorry for breaking down out of the blue but, what is going to happen if this baby is yours? How will I be able to ever look at Roger in the eye again?".

"Don't think about that, don't stress yourself over something that's not certain yet. This isn't your fault and you've showed nothing but loyalty to Roger," Ben smiles at Belle, "We can open the letter now If you want."

"N-No," Belle shakes her head, shaking slightly. "I don't think I'm ready yet, as weird as it sounds."

"That's totally okay," Ben nods. "You know what? In the meantime, I'm asking you to tell me the baby's gender. I know I said I didn't want to know, but now I kind of want to know."

"You do?", the corners of her mouth quirk up a little. "Well, you should guess first."

"I honestly think it's a girl," Ben decides, and can see Belle smiling to herself. He actually didn't want to know the baby's sex but he had to find a way for Belle to calm down a little. He sees his plan working sooner than he thought.

"Yes, it's a girl," Belle half laughs, and Ben's eyes fill with joy.

"That's incredible!", Ben exclaims, patting her knee. "Do you know what you're gonna name her?

"Charlotte," Belle answers. "I'm gonna name her Charlotte."

"Charlotte. I like it. Why Charlotte?".

"The night before I married Roger I had a dream that I had a daughter with him and her name was Charlotte," Belle explains, glancing at the window then flicking her eyes back to Ben. "Roger likes it too."

"Well, who wouldn't like it? It's a lovely name."

Belle hums a yes in response. "You know, the thing I'm most excited about is just the idea of Alice having a sister close in age for her to grow up with. I'm an only child and I grew up wanting a sibling. Never had them, so now I want to have a big family."

"Yeah, I understand what you're saying. So I see that's the reason why you're so close to Freddie. Out of all the rockstars and their children I think you and Freddie are the closest and most famous of all, of course."

"Yeah. He also had me at 20, so we have kind of grown up together. I adore him, to be honest. I hope my daughters will someday see me the way I see him."

"I'm sure they will. You're a wonderful woman. To be honest, I admire you and your strength so much. You are going through the hardest time of your life and you make it look like you're doing all right. You're the strongest person I know," Ben cooes, trying to suppress the intense need of hugging her.

"Thank you," Belle's gaze lowers, stops talking for a seconds. "I wanna see the letter now."

"All right, we'll take a look at it now," Ben nods, "But before we do that, come here."

"Why?".

"You've got something in your hair."

Belle came closer to Ben.

"Closer."

"But—

"Just, closer," murmurs Ben.

Belle leaned over. They were very close now, but that was okay. They have leaned together in far more intimate ways that didn't mean to be intimate, but were. She was expecting Ben to take away whatever she had on her hair. Instead, Ben carded his fingers into her hair, guiding her face back to meet his. Then, gently, guided Belle's face further down to his and kissed her.

"Ben," Belle breaks the kiss, takes a heavy breath although without any anger or annoyment in it. She doesn't say anything else, doesn't mention the kiss, just asks Ben again to hand her the letter.

"Sure," Ben does as asked and places the letter on her lap. "I just want you to know that not matter what's on this letter, doesn't matter what happens. I'll always be here with you. I'm glad you took this decision, you can't spend your pregnancy in sorrow."

"Thank you." Belle takes the letter in her hand and her chest immediately tightens. Her heart starts to beat painfully, it's amazing how she manages to lose herself in such a small amount of time: how breathing suddenly becomes world's most impossible task in the world and how everything suddenly feels so dangerous.

Belle opens the letter.

"What?", Ben asks, his voice shaking so much that it's even painful to speak. "Is it Roger's daughter?".

"It's your daughter, Ben."